One Stride At A Time

Pride must come

2010-12-13T14:50:00.005-05:00

There comes a point in time in this process or journey of mine, I would gather, that a certain sense of pride would come in to play. Weight loss, one might argue, impressive... 125 pounds lost and kept off for five (5) years. Three (3) marathons completed with two (2) more scheduled over the next couple of months, many other races done, improvements made...

Still as I sit here, I find it difficult if not impossible to be proud of what I have accomplished. Had anyone else done what I have, it is with great confidence I can say I would hold nothing but the utmost respect for him or her.

The root (or in reality root-s, plural) of this issue stem from two separate yet likely inextricably linked issues.

It has never failed that as soon as I accomplish something great, my attention immediately turns to "what wasn't". Whether it be the desire for a faster race time, a bigger loss on the scale, whatever the case may be, the unnerving and unsettling itch to shy away from the positives in an effort to unearth the negative is, in my lay person's view, likely a deep seeded study in psychiatric turmoil. Surely, there is medication for that.

Generally I am not of the belief in instantaneous reward for my efforts. I do not fall into the reality TV show line of thinking. I neither ballooned to 355 pounds, nor learned to run a marathon overnight. Surely, all of the other obviously far more positive changes in my life would not take hold and manifest themselves in a nanosecond. At times, I feel I would welcome that. Then, in a fleeting moment or less, I quickly realize that results without effort, a journey without a path, offers little in the way of true reward.

While this may make my journey far more challenging and filled with detours, delays and other frustrating encounters, there is perhaps no other way I would want this to be.

The other obstacle, perhaps far more fatal in nature, is the unwillingness of my soul to accept that things are different. There are times when I, still, see myself as a morbidly obese man, struggling to survive all the while wishing life would no longer continue. It was that difficult to live. Worse, I would argue that what I was doing was anything but living. In the end and without much effort at all, I was mounting my own assault on my very being in an attempt to no longer be. There was no effort to play a lead role in my own life, rather I would take satisfaction from others "doing".

At some random points during rather nondescript runs, I am forced to remind myself how amazing it is that I am able to run. Something so simple. Seven years ago, this was a pipe dream of epic proportions. Now, slow as I may be, I am the doer.

Losing sight of myself is still easy, although these days in a different way than before. At least now, I am playing the lead and directing and producing. Still not thrilled with where things are today, I am saddled with both a blessing and a curse. I am better and yet still want to be so much better. I am a winner and still cannot win.

I am learning... just not fast enough to unlearn what I already know and perhaps never knew.

Time to go to confession

2010-12-07T13:21:00.003-05:00

Every now and again, I must admit, I still feel like a little bit of an outsider looking in. Admittedly, thanks to the gift that has been and continues to be running, I have been able to take a much more active role in my own existence. It's funny that even after having dropped 125 pounds and keeping it off for about 7 years, regardless of the marathons, training groups, whatever have you, I still see "fraud" in the mirror, almost daily. My Type A, all-or-nothing personality almost mandates this to be the case. I am sick of that person in the mirror, the likes of which is it nearly paralyzingly painful to assemble into a coherent sentence.

By the time 2010 comes to an end, I will have run about 500 miles more than in 2009 - an incredible accomplishment. Still, I am greatly disappointed in myself. The most important goal for 2010, in my eyes, was to get my weight down to the level I wanted - about 200 pounds. Never in my adult life have I seen that number on the scale, unless someone else was being weighed.

It is ridiculous, I understand, to consider this entire journey a failure given all things accomplished, amazing people met and experiences had. Too, there are so many more miles to be run, races to be finished, memories to be made.

With all of the successes over the past few years, it amazes me equally how easy it is to toss my soul - my very being, if you will, under some mythical bus that exists, at least from what others tell me, in my own mind. How unfortunate.

Never let it be said that I desire to be "that person" who enjoys beating up on himself. In the same breath, it almost appears that may be the case. Reaching some perhaps arbitrary weight goal may [or may not] lead to a certain sense of relief, complete with a release of this omnipresent tension that seems to virtually suffocate me at times. Hardly exaggerating, it is difficult if not impossible to make it minutes without considering nutrition choices past, present and future.

I am not sure what to make of all of this other than to say I will continue to work to be better, hoping to find "it", whatever that may be... that perhaps singular notion, feeling or thing that can help me dial in to my journey just a little bit more.

Again, I say... This is who I am today. I could be better. I could be worse. However I will always work to better than the day before.

2010 Spinx Marathon

2010-11-01T11:26:00.004-04:00

Well, THAT was a good idea...

Or so I felt at the time. The hows and whys of what came to be my registration for the 2010 Spinx Marathon are still, even to the most well-informed, at issue. Nevertheless, perhaps through my sheer idiocy and willful and wanton desire to prove something [or nothing] to myself, it was decided that running this marathon - a mere 20 days after having run Chicago Marathon - was the right thing to do. Again, it was a good idea.

While I was excited for the race, I did have SOME sense of calm in that my only goal was to finish, not to PR. At times, mentally, I struggled with that. More often than not though, I was comfortable with treating it as a "long run."

Going in, the weather was going to be perfect, the weather I wanted in Chicago, really. Temps at the start hovered in the low 40s and the sun rose shortly before our 8:00 a.m. marathon start. No gun, no cannon, no air horn... just a "GO!" and all 700-plus marathoners were on the way.

The first 13 miles were about as I expected. This was after all, by and large, my back yard from a running standpoint. Familiarity with the area, with the rolls, camber of the roads would be assets to my run for the day. At the halfway mark, after having seen my wife for a Gatorade refill, I felt pretty good. My pace splits were "about" where I wanted, give or take. Actually, a little faster than I had hoped. Yet still, I felt decent.

The back half of the course, I am sorry to say, was a little bit of a different story. Rolling hill after rolling hill seemed to begin a constant onslaught on what was an already sore pair of hamstrings. Truth be told, I have been fighting a bad right hamstring for TWO YEARS now. You would think I would learn... Suffice to say, the constant climbs did not help.

Yet with all of that, even through mile 21, I was on pace to PR or at least come very close to it. The last 6 miles were set to be on a portion of our glorious Swamp Rabbit Trail. A portion that I thought, or at least dreamed, was a steady decline. In a word - no. What seemed like a gradual yet unrelenting uphill the entire time continued that tension on my hamstrings. Then, the cramping set in, especially in the calves. Much like in Chicago, the decision was made to "live to run another day", manage the pace, and finish with a flourish.

With a finish time of 4:51, I am proud to say I was about on par with my finish time at the 2009 Marine Corps Marathon. Even though I felt as if I understood my goals, I wanted better. I think I always want better. The stadium - a minor league baseball park where we crossed the finish line, was rather empty when I made the turn around the warning track. No matter. It was for me. The silence, to me and at that time, was nothing compared to the feeling of crossing that finish line. Addiction. Twelve steps. I think the rest is known.

It is clear to me that my love for the marathon runs deep into the recesses of my soul, not just in the running aspect, but also deeper and into the heart of all things pre-running for me. My ability to be a marathoner does not define me, although I find it hard to think of myself as many things other than a runner these days. At the same time, I want to be better. Constantly. Better at running, taking part in better nutrition. Everything. I know, it is a process.

So, 10 weeks from now will be Marathon #4 - Charleston Marathon, followed by Snickers Energy Bar Marathon in early March. My goals between now and than are simple... Stretch, get this hamstring in some better shape, recover with some nice and easy runs and slowly get my base back up.

Part of me, perhaps sadly so, wants to be disappointed in my efforts or, at the very least, in my results. I cannot be. That, I believe, is still the prior me looking for that easy way out, the path of least resistance.

Amazing but true.

So, through nutrition and some easy running, I will get back up there... Wherever there is.

Be well.

Addressing the obvious question: What's next?

2010-10-25T14:56:00.003-04:00

Many thoughts and feelings enter my mind when I think back just a couple of weeks to the Chicago Marathon. Still, there is some disappointment that the running/weather Gods did not find it within their collective hearts to show mercy on my soul, allowing the searing, unrelenting heat to not-so-slowly but ever surely to broil my mojo to a crisp. Still, I am undeterred.

Prior to running Chicago, I was already committed to and registered for the Inaugural Charleston Marathon on January 15, 2011. For months now, I have been registered for the Spinx Runfest Half Marathon... or so I thought. In checking my registration late last week, I noticed I was registered for the Full Marathon. Well then...

Sure, the race director was quick to offer to knock me down to the Half Marathon, but... I just couldn't do it. Somehow, a quick and fleeting sense of clarity in that special way that normally only affects great artists, geniuses and speed chess players brought me to the decision to run the Full.

Sure, recovery from Chicago is still ongoing, to some degree, although I will say that I feel good - both mentally and physically. Part of it, I believe, is retribution. I voluntarily left everything I had on the streets of Chicago.

The Spinx Marathon, aside from being just a mere couple of minutes from my front door, offers the opportunity to continue to learn about myself, in the whole sense, as well as in the marathoning sense. My goal for this race is simple and two fold: Finish and treat it like a long slow day. Not all races, I have slowly learned, have to be raced.

I continue to be amazed where running has taken me, the people with whom I have been so incredibly fortunate to spend time.

This weekend will be another step down that path. Here's to hoping the weather is a bit better.

Share the ride.

I almost forgot...

2010-10-25T14:51:00.004-04:00

In closing this chapter of running for 2010, I nearly forgot to post the ceremonial post-marathon medal-with-beer picture. So, without further delay:

I have a feeling there will be another picture, similar to this, posted within a few days time.

Share the ride.

Race Report - 2010 Chicago Marathon

2010-10-14T08:43:00.002-04:00

The shoes unlaced, race bib put up, soreness leaving. The 2010 Chicago Marathon took me on a roller coaster ride of emotions and a wide spectrum of physical conditions. The 2010 Chicago Marathon helped me learn a great deal about myself as a runner, marathoner and a person.

As a whole, the Chicago Marathon experience was stellar. From the Expo to the course to the post-race resources, the entire deal was top notch. I truly enjoyed finally meeting the other Chicago Marathon Online Diarists as well. A truly great group of people and a wonderful cross section of the running community as a whole.

Chicago is a beautiful city, filled with amazing architecture and history. As you undoubtedly know by now, I was also rather enamored with the food culture of the fine city of Chicago as well as its great local haunts for pints of Chicago's finest ales. Visits to such mainstays as Lou Malnati’s, Al’s Italian Beef, Gino’s East, Garrett’s Popcorn and Goose Island Brewpub made the Chicago experience that much better. But back to the matter at hand…

The morning of the marathon was met with some trepidation. I knew temperatures would be "higher" than initially anticipated, but few knew what would be in store. With a start temp of about 60 degrees though, I felt comfortable enough with my training and abilities to make my top goal of 4:22 happen. As the runners started and made their way through the Start, I slowly began to realize what was ahead. This was going to be a big day.

The morning started off well enough. Temps were right at 60 degrees and the sun slowly began to rise with the hopes of a triumph on this day. After a good luck hug and kiss from my wife, I made my way down to the start area… the 15 minute walk did me some good, shaking out some early morning nerves. The air felt good, although not the crisp and cool air I had been hoping for or remembered at MCM last year. Not surprisingly, I was not the first into the “open” corral. Nevertheless, I found a place and settled in. This, I truly believed, was going to be awesome.

The corrals all filled quickly. Random strangers making comments about the weather, possible concerns, race goals, anything you can imagine to anyone and everyone who would listen. Anxiety was clear.

By 7:30 a.m., there was nothing left to do other than the simplest thing a human being can do… RUN.

The emotion and grandeur of the start of the Chicago Marathon is hard to put into words. Running down Columbus Drive and under the bridge, hearing the screaming voices, U2’s “Beautiful Day” blaring over the loud system. Amazing.

Before I know it, I am in a rhythm. My goal for this race was a simple one to track: 4:22 or 10:00 minutes per mile. The early portions of the race, through the heart of the city, were fantastic. Slight rolls in terrain here and there but, by and large pancake flat. My splits were good. No, great. By the half way mark, I was at 2:11:31 – a hair over where I wanted to be, but still well within striking distance and I still felt strong. I was lucky enough to catch a glimpse of my amazingly supportive wife at the half way point. That could not have come at a better time. I lost only a little time through the 25K mark.

By 30K, the sun was fully up and blazing. No more skyscrapers to shield the sun’s strength-sapping rays. I stopped, felt sick, and pulled off to the side. Not thinking about 4:22 any longer, my thoughts went very, very dark. My mind hurt, my heart hurt. My soul hurt. In sum, things were not going well. The notion of waiving down med staff came into my mind. But… I… couldn’t…

About 100 feet ahead of me, I see a female runner, pacing me, slow down, stop, wobble and collapse in the span of about 5 seconds. Medical staff were to her side quickly. Sobering, beyond belief.

I stammered on. Miles 20 through 26 were a mix of slow running, some walking, and a great deal of cramping, despite hitting every single water stop on the course. Survival was my goal. And I was not going to die to be victorious on this day. It just was not a day for me to hit a 4:22. I could live with that.

Crowd support for this event was, to say the least, outstanding and virtually non-stop. Without that, it is difficult to say how I would have fared on this day.

With 800 meters left, seemingly every leg muscle cramped, I wanted to finish strong – make that, as strong as possible anyway. In the distance, I see a flag waving. Largely insignificant to 95% of the runners on the course, it was the Flag of Bavaria, Germany – where our family is from. The strength I pull from my late Uncle, with whom I shared amazing times and a stunning visit to Germany cannot be understated. Losing him to metastatic prostate cancer a couple of years back has been both a point of deep sadness, still, as well as a source of strength to move forward. Seeing the “Blau und Weiss” flying in the distance made my thoughts shift to that place. True, dark as those thoughts were at the time, there was NO way I was not going to finish and finish STRONG.

Thinking back to what my late Uncle used to say: "If you are not progressing, you are regressing", I kept moving forward. The final left turn made, the Finish in sight, cruise control set… We are coming in for a landing – albeit a rough one. Mugging it for the cameras, finishing upright, all victories today. Space blanket, medal, water, banana. All of these were great things. Sadly, all I wanted was to get out of the sun. The long mile-long walk back up Columbus to our hotel was painful, filled with pauses for possible nausea, pauses filled with massive cramping, and bouts of quick, flaring emotion. Proud yet sad and disappointed. It was strange. The hug from my wife outside our hotel seemed to give me some of my long lost strength back. I was not “human” again. Not yet, anyway.

After an hour of so of lying around in our hotel room with my legs in the air, drinking any kind of liquid I could find, I cleaned up and my wife and I went out to a great little bar, Dublin’s, for a burger/beer celebratory meal. A great day, ended with whom and in the manner I would not have better prescribed.

Chicago Marathon taught me a great deal. For one, you cannot control everything. When it comes to marathons, you can control even less. My training, or so I felt, put me in a position to be successful. Little did I know, on this day, that it would take me about 23 minutes longer to achieve that success. Running – and marathoning – for me, are hardly about times and all that comes with that. Sure, I want to improve. I think that is a reasonable expectation for anyone taking on this endeavor. What I found, despite the trials, traps and darkness along the way was a sense of self within the greater whole of it all. I knew I was a marathoner. What I did not know was to what lengths I would have been willing to go to be that very thing. MCM in 2009 was not this drama-filled. Chicago Marathon 2010 made it clear to me just where my heart and soul lie. Running has, in fact, saved my life. The best way I can give it the respect due is to be the absolute best I can and give what I have on that day. That day, 10 October 2010, I left it out there and then some. Time could have been better. Headaches could have been less. In the end, it was about something so much more.

Long Time Gone

2010-03-21T19:52:00.003-04:00

While it has been some time since I have written here, the song remains the same. Running, running and more running. That, work and occasionally something resembling sleep has made up the vast majority of my life of late. Not that there is a single thing wrong with that.

The remainder of 2010 is getting rather booked. Coming up is the Lehigh Valley Half Marathon (April 25th), Chicago Marathon (October 10th) and Spinx Half Marathon (October 31st). Under serious consideration is one more marathon before the end of 2010 with Thunder Road (Charlotte, NC) and Rocket City (Huntsville, AL) vying for my registration fees. Both are on the same weekend in December.

Even 2011 is getting some attention. Marathons such as Snickers (Albany, GA), Big Sur (Monterey, CA), Grandma's (Duluth, MN), Marine Corps (Arlington, VA) and Philadelphia are on my radar. It is so preliminary right now, but it is rather fun to consider the possibilities.

Be a participant

2009-11-23T08:26:00.007-05:00

It can be easy to get lost in the hectic nature of every day life to the extent that Self Care becomes an afterthought. We have choices. Every day of our lives, we have choices. Granted, there is not one single choice with regard to our Self Care that will make or break our journey. Rather, it is the body of work that will tell the tale with regard to your efforts in being a better person, inside and out. Yes, it is easy to get lost. Remember though, you have choices. You can choose to be a spectator, a racer, or a participant. You can be an active part of your own life, an active character in your own story, and the leader of your own Self Care journey.

When I started running, about six (6) years ago, I quickly got caught up in speed. My desire in races to beat as many people as possible was my utmost goal. That vibe quickly permeated other areas to the extent that each training run had to be faster than the one before in order to avoid the feeling of failure. My desire to reach my goal in the fastest possible way, regardless of what I needed to do to get there or how it negatively affected my big picture Self Care plan, got in the way of my true goal... to be better. Instead, I became a "racer". The goal was clear, but I completely overlooked the amazing things there were to see, experience, and learn along the way.

Of course, you can certainly choose to do nothing. That, of course, is the easiest thing to do. Sitting by, passively, and observing others working, striving towards a better, higher quality life is a simple thing to do. There is little effort involved and there is no risk of failure resulting from your efforts. On the other hand, knowing you have the ability to affect change in your life, in a positive way, and be a stronger and more resolute person is empowering the degree to which I am not sure I could accurately put into words. Time constraints and other obligations are fine excuses. In the grand scheme, your health - your Self Care - is the most important thing to you when it comes to how you take care of yourself on a daily basis - in the hopes of living a better life.

Being a participant - an active player in the game of life - YOUR life - allows you the luxury to call the shots on which directions you take with your Self Care. This would seem to be the easiest of the three options. Yet it is so easy sometimes to get caught up in the tunnel vision that is our end goal, whether it is a goal weight, goal race, or whatever have you. Being a participant includes taking in all that your journey has to offer, including all of the auxiliary experiences, ups and downs, trials and tribulations. No one said it would be easy and, in reality, Self Care is not easy. It is a devotion of time and effort and an uncanny sense of honesty to yourself. Just knowing however that you hold the ability to make change and pave a way to a stronger you is, in and of itself, one of the biggest rewards possible. Just remember to enjoy the process - the sights and sounds - along the way.

Progress Report: 22 November 2009

2009-11-22T09:15:00.004-05:00

It has been just about thirty (30) days since I ran and finished my first full marathon. While I still look back fondly at the entire accomplishment, I am quickly discovering that the recovery portion of the race is teaching me just as much, if not more, about where I was, where I am now, and where I want to be.

Running, for want of a better word, has been difficult if not awkward since October 25th. Tight, stiff, forced, unnatural - all of these words seem to sum up just how running feels to me right now. Dealing with a left leg injury (soleus and posterior tibialis strain) is not helping. Mentally, perhaps more than physically, it has been uphill all the way.

Nutrition has been questionable and excuses are rampant. So, it is clear, someone in this relationship (see: the third element of Self Care, the intrapersonal relationship) needs to draw a very real and very firm line in the proverbial sand. This - the running, the nutrition, the overall want for a better life - is not a short term thing. This much I know. My life, I hope and pray, is too long, too valuable to me, for anything less than maximum quality for the rest of my days. I demand that of myself and, let's face it, I want to be around for those who matter most to me. Selfish, I am, like that.

So, here I sit, sputtering away on the keyboard, with yet another "pick yourself up off the ground" message. Let this be a lesson to all who adopt Self Care as a way of life: There is no finish line, there is no end date, there is never a time when you can take Self Care and put it on the shelf to admire from afar. Self Care, much like a great cast iron skillet, progressively gets better the more you use it.

Be well.

10.10.10

2009-11-02T14:19:00.002-05:00

Many destinations come to mind when I consider running a marathon. One of the first was Chicago. There is something about the luring nature of the city, the running vibe that is there, and the fever pitch which comes with the city's crown jewel event... the Bank of America Chicago Marathon.

So, that said, while race registration has not opened and will not open for another few months, I have already locked up (what may or may not be my final) hotel reservation. For me, that's it. I am set.

There may come a time when what some could perceive as a novelty for traveling for "destination races" might wear off. I cannot see that happening. Not any time soon. The ability to experience an event, much more than just running in another city, is the draw. I want to feel the vibe, the pulse.

So, between now and October of next year, my goals are simple. Run, refine my body composition and run some more. It is shaping up to be a great ride.

Random thoughts

2009-11-02T10:53:00.000-05:00

There are times when one may prefer not to be defined by your words or actions. Every time I lace up my running shoes, I continue to remind myself of the gift I have been given. Running has, truly, saved my life. Now, thinking almost out loud, it is next to implausible to consider a life without running. In fact, considering the success of No Boundaries along with my personal running achievements, it puzzles me if anyone could really say anything about me that would not involve running. For me, at this point in my life, I am not sure I would have it any other way.

It occurred to me though, at yet another nondescript point in time, when I least expected it: What is there to do when seemingly all obstacles once thought to be in the way now seem so insignificant?

The answer is obvious: Everything.

For some, the desire to run a marathon begins at the starting line of their first marathon and ends exactly 26.2 miles later – if not sooner, as many decide to never run the distance again while still on the course. Not a great idea.

Yet I was somewhat surprised that my attitude quickly shifted from thoughts of if I would run another marathon to when I would run another marathon. What was once considered impossible if not implausible is now a reality. My experience at the 2009 Marine Corps Marathon was exactly what I expected and still far exceeded my expectations, all at the same time. The people, the environment, the crowds, the organization, the emotion, and the event itself all made for a fantastic ending to a 20-week journey within the journey.

Even though there have been some notions, I think it is only now, finally, I think I understand why I got into running in the first place. The knowledge that there are no more obstacles in my way when it comes to my Self Care provides a freedom that is, absent a better word, calming. It is now that I know what I can do… and that is “anything.”

I still have a long road to go. More groups to lead, workshops to offer, and races to run. Now, somehow, the air is different. No longer is there the ceiling of self-doubt that once defined my existence. Accepting a challenge and taking it on with full effort is not frightening, it is necessary.

There are more places to go, people to meet, and roads to be run. Every stride offers more insight on where I have been, where I am now and where I still have yet to go. I am not done yet, not by any stretch of the imagination. Life continues to amaze me.

Race Report - 2009 Marine Corps Marathon

2009-10-27T11:44:00.007-04:00

I often wonder how something so incredibly amazing can leave me so speechless. I am humbled beyond words thinking back on the past twenty (20) weeks of training and, of course, Marine Corps Marathon weekend. I knew going in that I had to respect the distance of 26 miles 385 yards. I knew it would be a challenge. I knew it would change me. The degree to which all of those would happen though, I had no idea.

We arrived in Rosslyn on Thursday afternoon and had a great hotel location for the start and finish of the race. Friday morning consisted of a light 30-minute run, including the finish of the marathon, which had already been barricaded for the event. The finishing hill seemed a little more steep then I had imagined, but that was the least of my concerns. There were many more miles to be run prior to dealing with that.

My wife and I really enjoyed the race expo. The organization of this entire thing was nothing short of top notch. I was amazed with the efficiency of packet pick-up and the layout of the expo as a whole. Many other events had tables set up and the vendors were all knowledgeable and pleasant enough. I was lucky enough to see former Marine Montel Williams doing a radio spot during the expo – Williams is living with Multiple Sclerosis and was kind enough to spare a moment with me as I thanked him for being such a huge inspiration to my Mom, who also has this degenerative disease.

Bart Yasso’s lecture at the expo was great. His dry southeastern Pennsylvania wit combined with his experiences on the road made me feel a little more at ease. He was kind enough to sign my book and pose for a photo. Again, class all the way. Amby Burfoot once said that Yasso never forgets a name. I contacted Yasso once on Facebook and, wouldn’t you know, he remembered me, my name and where I am originally from. Again, class all the way.

Saturday was all about taking it easy. My wife and I did some walking through Arlington with some of our best friends to see the Cemetery and other points of interest. If that kind of thing does not stir some emotion, there is something wrong with you. My fear was that I was going to continue my inability to get a good night’s sleep for the race. I have to admit, I slept well Saturday night.

Not surprisingly, I was up before the alarm was set to go off at 5:00 a.m. on Sunday morning – race day. We knew going in that this was going to be a fantastic day for running from a weather standpoint. Cool, low humidity and good amounts of sunshine. My wife and I made the 2-mile walk from our hotel to the starting line. It was pitch black out at 6:30 a.m., as expected. The Marine Corps War Memorial was light only by spotlights – a sobering reminder of where I would wind up later that day.

We got to the starting line with me shaking from the chill of the morning and my wife toting the essentials in my “support bag”. Hugs and kisses were given and I got into the corral. The Osprey fly-over and the Howitzer send-off were moving to say the least. It took me almost 20 minutes to get to the starting line, but I was not complaining. The slow movement did me some good to get to some blood flow. I crossed the twin arches and started my Garmin – the game was officially afoot.

Going into the Marine Corps Marathon, I was aware of the two rather significant hills in the first nine (9) miles or so. My goal was to start out easy and run a negative split. More on how that worked out later…

The support on the course was fantastic. Marines were out there cheering and encouraging every runner out there. Many runners, myself included, were running for someone or some cause. That was special for me, knowing that I was by no means alone.

Musical entertainment throughout the course was a great way to break up the rhythmic “thwapping” of running shoes on the blacktop.

I had no intentions of seeing my wife on the course. Getting around the race area is difficult so as it is, let alone 21,000 runners and who knows how many times more supporters. Nevertheless, at mile 16, there she was… Just what I needed, when I needed it. A quick kiss through the fence, and I was on my way.

Beating the bridge (having to make it past mile 20 by 1:15 p.m. in order to avoid the sweeper bus), aside from a catastrophic injury or meltdown, was never a concern for me. The bridge, however, was long, arduous, and probably the least interesting part of the course. Although the grim reaper standing on the bridge with a sign indicating “The End Is Near” was a great touch.

Miles 21 through 24 were also tough as they comprised an out-and-back. Difficult. Once I got to mile 24, I felt the end was in sight. I ran onto the ramp to get down by Arlington Cemetery and I knew I was close. There were a few points from there on, I will not lie, where I started to get choked up. Thinking of my late Uncle who died of prostate cancer in 2007 and my Mom who lives with Multiple Sclerosis. Never a complaint from either. Their strength became my strength. Giving up was never in his and is never in her vocabulary. No matter what, I was not giving up. I kept saying to myself, over and over… “I… am… not… done… yet.”

Running past all of the monuments was not only inspiratonal but set an amazing backdrop for the race as a whole. Passing by the Arlington Cemetery brought on more emotion for the obvious reasons the place normally provides. Always earned, never given. The bend to the left let me know I was close. My back straightened up, shoulders back and head up. The crowds all along the corridor were several deep. The cheering and applause were incredible. Truly moving and humbling. I saw my wife and our friend at the fence to my left. I made it.

Unlike many races before, I was sure to mug it for the camera and get all the way across the finish line before messing with the Garmin or anything else. I wanted photographs that would really “make” this event for me. Mission accomplished.

Receiving my space blanket and finisher’s medal from a Marine was the best. After a congratulatory salute to the Marine, I was off to the Iwo Jima Memorial for a finisher photo and then off too get some food and liquids. After a cool bath, shower and nap, and some much needed Ibuprofen for a killer migraine, we spent some time and had a great meal later that night in Georgetown with our great friends, Lee and Sharon. I would not have had it any other way.

I truly struggle to put into words just how humbling this race was for me. I finished well, achieved two (2) of my goals, and sit here with confidence when I say I will run another marathon. At the same time, I will learn from this experience – and what an experience it was. To run my first full marathon somewhere other than Marine Corps Marathon would have been a letdown. That may be a bit over dramatic, but I think not.

I learned how far I have come from the person I once was and how far I still want to go... I learned that trusting in your training can prepare you for the marathon distance, yet you still have no idea what will happen on race day until race day. I learned that respecting the distance prior to the first marathon is one thing while respecting the distance after the fact is ever so different. I learned that I am not a "one-and-done" marathoner. I will continue to say this... I am very proud and humbled to have been a part of this event.

There are so many people who are deserving of my thanks, although my thanks is nowhere near enough.

To my wife, Jeannette, of course, for her unwavering support and tolerance of all things me during this process. She put up with a lot of crap throughout this whole deal but always knew how important this was to me. Seeing her at mile 16 and again at the finish made me realize just how much she took from this journey as well.

To my Mom for her support and strength. She was not there with us, but she was. To my Uncle Tom who is gone but by no means forgotten. His strength also fueled me and will continue to do so.

To my running partners – the Lee ("the Colonel") and Sharon ("Her Royal Highness") and Lee's friend Adam. The past twenty (20) weeks have been filled with ups and downs but I am proud to have such amazing running partners and, more importantly, fantastic friends. I used to think that running alone was the only way to go. Now, I cannot imagine running without them. Adam was someone new to me, but his calming influence the days before the race was a great help.

To every single person associated with the Marine Corps Marathon, Marine, civilian, or volunteer – Thank you for making this slow newbie feel like this event was especially for me. An absolutely top notch event from start to finish. Never once did I feel like just another number in this process.

To my runners in No Boundaries, past, present and future. Let my experience show you that, while you may never choose to run a marathon, hard work and dedication will get you exactly to where you want to be. Remember… One Stride at a Time…

Thanks to Tracy, Diane, and Jocelyn and their husbands. A great time was had by all in the little time we got to spend together as a group.

To all of the amazing runners I have met over the past two (2) years at Fleet Feet in Greenville. Your advice, inspiration and counsel have been and will continue to be greatly appreciated.

As I continue these “closing credits”, I would also like to thank some other, supporting roles… Mizuno for making my running shoes for the past 5 months and Upstate Pedorthic for the orthotics that went into those shoes. Snickers Almond for being my preferred post long run fuel of choice – the hard part will be putting them down now. I would also like to thank Zing Zang for the best Bloody Mary mix known to mankind and Pabst for Pabst Blue Ribbon. No explanation needed here.

If the point has not been made, allow me to state this clearly… this is NOT the end of the line for me. I finished, I finished strong, and I finished well. Now, I want to do better. There are races on my mind and in my heart. Chicago 2010, Big Sur (thanks, Bart Yasso), and Budapest with my wife – all of these are in the mixer. I have a dream to qualify for Boston. I am not sure I will, but I will continue to set goals and work hard to get there. I can think about these things now as I am recovering, with soreness that can only bring a smile to my face and a thrill to my heart the likes of which are, still, hard to put into coherent words.

Humbled and honored. Now, the next chapter begins…

What lies on the other side

2009-10-21T14:14:00.003-04:00

The wait is over. The training miles have been run. There is nothing left to do other than pack, get to Arlington and, oh-by-the-way, run 26 miles 385 yards.

Many things entered into my mind when I first considered doing this, not the least of which were thoughts of doubt just in covering the distance. As things wore on, that changed. I have little problem writing that I grew attached to marathon training, including its idiosyncratic rigors and frustrating twists and turns. Come Sunday, I can celebrate that which I have learned. I think I know enough about myself, my body, and my current running ability to know how to handle situations as they arise.

Yet it is the last two-tenths of a mile that beckons with something of an uncertainty - not in covering the distance as I will find a way to do that - but rather the emotion and feelings I will encounter. I have no idea of how I will feel physically, mentally or emotionally. That part of the story is as yet untold.

So, come tomorrow morning I will be leaving a mere runner. When I return, I will be a marathoner. Amazing.

Be well.

Have faith and let go

2009-10-14T19:12:00.005-04:00

The training is just about done, the sweat poured and the agonizing complete. Now, there is nothing left to do but to squeeze out just a few more training miles and get up to Arlington, Virginia. There is, of course, that little business about the 26 miles 385 yards to run. Minor details.

The past few days have been very difficult for me, in a number of ways. For me, this is somewhat like my grieving the loss of my uncle before he ever passed away over a year ago. At the risk of sounding odd, this is my pre-race grieving. Over the past 18+ weeks, I have grown attached to the hectic schedule of running more than I ever have in my life, eating clean and focusing on October 25, 2009 on my calendar. With all due deference to my wife, it has been the most important date on my personal calendar since, well, forever. A date that almost wasn't.

My anxiety over the past days comes from a number of sources. Taper madness is the obvious choice, sure, Yet for me, there is more. For so many years, I expected and demanded so little of myself in terms of effort. I never asked anything of myself and so, as a direct result, I was never disappointed in what I received.

My how things have changed.

Now, I demand more. More than perhaps I could have ever imagined as witnessed by my prognostications of future marathons and improved times - an improved finishing time from a marathon I have yet to run. I have to chuckle when I read that.

Yes, things are vastly different. Not only have I achieved the unthinkable of making it through marathon training, but I continue to raise the bar ever so much higher. For me, that is how it works. That is how I strive. That is how I survive.

Having that series of goals keeps my mind focused forward all the while taking in the lessons learned from prior experiences. I am not perfect nor am I expecting as much. When I first considered training for a marathon, my primary goal was to learn as much as I could about myself and how I relate to my running, my mind, and my body. Mission accomplished.

There is nothing left now but 35,000 of my closest friends, 10 days from now, and running the run of a lifetime... for now. The finish line for the Marine Corps Marathon is not the end for me. This much I know right now. Rather it is the beginning. The door is open to places and goals the likes of which I never knew existed, let alone considered.

My biggest challenge between now and October 25th is simple. Having faith in the training I have done, relaxing and just letting go have not been easy. But it has to happen, for my own sanity and, likely for those around me. Yet at this point, it is all about me. All I can say is: Wow.

Progress Report: 07 October 2009

2009-10-07T13:42:00.000-04:00

So, this is what they call “taper madness”…

It is funny to me in something of a quizzical way how the past 17 weeks have played out. Many who have been veteran marathoners long before I even considered taking that first step tried to educate me. Really, the process – the whole process – is something that needs to be experienced in order to fully understand its mystical power and confusing lessons to be taught.

In the days and weeks that made up the beginning of my training for this marathon, I heeded the words of the sage veterans. I took my pacing seriously, made sure I was eating cleaner and – at least attempting – to get enough rest. Some of these things were easy. Others were near impossible.

Nothing, and I mean nothing, prepared me for the mental investment that came along with training for and running in this marathon. By and large it was the single solitary thing that consumed my mind almost at all times. Everything I ate and drank, every time I looked at the clock to see how late it was during yet another restless night of sleep, all of it added up to what has been my life for over four months.

Now, sadly, it is almost over. Yet this is only the beginning. The next 2 weeks-plus will be consumed with others asking questions about my training, whether taper madness is truly maddening, and my readiness. I sit here with an overwhelming sense of guilt for peppering folks in my life with every last detail about my marathon training – many of them tolerated my babbling. They are very kind.

Temptation has been there, in various forms, for me to single-handedly derail my own success. There was this morning’s 8-miler that I wanted to take slowly. Apparently the gale force winds, torrential rains, and humid temperatures just made me feel like working hard for a “so-so” result. So be it. It is done. There is also the inaugural half marathon in Spartanburg this coming weekend, which I considered, yet this would give me the perfect opportunity for me to try to PR, knowing this is not the time for that.

Again, every day is a learning experience.

So, here I sit, broken-hearted, in a way. But to say that I am encouraged and anxious for the next chapter of this story to begin is an understatement. There are thoughts of refining my body composition, dropping the last 20 to 25 lbs, increasing my running base and really pushing to see just how much I can shave off of my Marine Corps Marathon time.

Bettering my marathon PR when I have not even run my first marathon yet.

Yeah, I’ve got it bad. I pray there is no cure.

Be well.

Removing Boundaries

2009-10-02T18:49:00.003-04:00

Written by Leigh Savage

Upstate resident Dan Herman leads a running program for beginners in hopes that he can inspire others to run - and lose - like him

Dan Herman was desperate for a change. After a lifetime of weight problems, he had ballooned to 350 pounds, which, along with a degenerative spinal condition, left him in pain much of the time. He had tried to lose the weight many times, but nothing worked.

"I tried everything," Herman says. "Gym memberships, weight loss programs, pills - some FDA-approved, and some maybe not. In hindsight, I did everything wrong."

Then, in 2003, he hit on what seemed like a crazy idea - running. He went online and found a training plan for brand-new runners that guided him from sedentary to completing a 5K. "At 350 pounds, running was pretty painful," he says. But within a few weeks, he could see the changes in both his weight and his life, and the formerly agonizing activity became "the hugest blessing in the biggest possible way."

As the pounds began to disappear, Herman found himself with more energy, stamina and confidence, and realized that proper nutrition and training go hand in hand. He also discovered the importance of what he calls self-care. "That includes nutrition and physical activity, but it's also learning who we are and why our habits led to where we are." He realized food was his drug, which he used to numb himself - something running has helped him avoid most of the time.

"People need to understand that taking care of yourself is not about perfection," he says. "It's very individual and fluid, and if you can win more battles than you lose, you're going to be better off."

After losing 120 pounds, Herman went on to run several 5Ks and 10Ks and then did his first half marathon at the Spinx Run Fest last year. This fall, he's training for his longest distance yet - the Marine Corps Marathon in Arlington, Va.

While he gets great satisfaction out of his own running accomplishments, Herman wanted to share his new found passion and his message with people facing similar issues. When he moved to Greenville in 2006, he sent an e-mail to Fleet Feet Sports saying he'd be glad to help in any way. Before he knew it, he was coaching the No Boundaries program - a "couch to 5K" program similar to the one he found online just a few years before.

The program, sponsored by New Balance, meets three times per week to train for a 5K. Herman hosts three or four 12-week sessions per year,training groups of about 40 people leading up to local races such as the Spinx Run Fest 5K in October, the Reedy River Run 5K in March and the Candlelight Run in July.

Jill Cody headed into Fleet Feet this summer to buy walking shoes, but walked out with a plan to train for the Spinx 5K on October 31. "I had never even run three minutes straight," she says, but the group recently tackled 20 minutes of solid running and Cody surprised herself. "It wasn't easy, but it wasn't difficult," she says. The growing confidence in her abilities has inspired her to sign up for more races, including a half marathon in March.

"It's just great being in a group, and Dan's story is so inspiring," she says. "My favorite thing he said is that each time you put one foot in front of the other, that's a victory, and I think of that on difficult days. Running has just done so much for me mentally."

Peggy Albrecht is also training for the upcoming Spinx race - her third session with the No Boundaries program. Last year, she went into Fleet Feet on a business call, but left with contact information for Dan and the idea that, a tage 55, maybe she would try a 5K. "It changed my life," she says. When training began, she was unable to run for one minute, but she also managed the 20minutes of running at a recent No Boundaries meeting. "I never thought I would be able to do that," Albrecht says. She's lost 20 pounds, and her daughter joined her in training and has lost 25.

Albrecht appreciates that Herman understands what it's like to be a beginner. "His story makes him a real person to the rest of us," she says. "He wasn't born an athlete. He's extremely knowledgeable, and tells you to listen to your body, but he doesn't let up on you either."

She plans to continue training with No Boundaries after the Spinx race, since she enjoys the accountability and camaraderie of the group. Though this won't be her first 5K finish, she's hoping it will be her first to run the entire way. "But if I can't, that's okay," she says. "I'll just keep going."

That's exactly the philosophy Herman hopes to promote. "Yourself-care goes as long as your life goes," he says. "There is no finish line to this whole thing."

You can never dream too far

2009-09-29T13:10:00.005-04:00

What started out as something of a nightmare has turned into a very tangible reality. An act so frightening and repulsive some time ago is now, at the risk of being overly dramatic, on par with taking in oxygen on the list of essentials in my life.

I... am... a... runner. Amazing. Even more amazing still that I have to remind myself of where I am today and how far my legs, my mind and my heart have taken me.

It started painfully. VERY painfully in fact. It was in 2003 at 350 lbs. Little did I know exactly that for which I signed up.

There is no "good" or "bad" when it comes to running or runners. All running is amazing. But if there ever was a "bad", I was it. Everything hurt the likes of which I never imagined. Yet eventually, on an unassuming day which I specifically cannot recall and during a run that was supposed to be like many others done before, it happened... Everything just seemed to click.

If nothing else, that moment gave me so much more than a new lease on life, although it hardly felt that way at the time. It was then when I discovered the ability to dream in an entirely new way. I could be the lead role in my own life, helping to create and shape the story and carrying it out just the same.

Now, for me, what was once impossible is now common place. What appeared a joke is now a reality. What was thought of as incomprehensible is now within arm's reach. Yet still, I have bigger dreams and aspirations.

My goals for 2010 and beyond are far greater than anything I have ever imagined. A scary thought considering my inability to walk 20 feet without collapsing some six years ago. Now, I get a rush of endorphins writing my 20-mile runs on my calendar. My how times have changed.

Regardless of where you are today, no dream is too big. Just know that between this exact moment in time and your dream stands a lot of effort, dedication, and determination. Strength is not necessary. It is demanded. A will to continue when your mind says you cannot. Knowing that one more stride gets you towards your long term as much as your short term goals and yet, equally as important, drives you further away from those things in your life which prevented you from your own Self Care.

Reality does come into play, yet should never limit your dreams. If it is in your mind and your heart to achieve something, do it and make no excuses for it. Your life - your very existence - belongs to you and you alone, first and foremost. Place a bet on the best asset of all - YOU. Set goals, give life your best effort in reaching your dreams, and be rewarded for your efforts knowing that, in the end, you are nothing less than a winner.

This year is not yet over, next year already taking shape

2009-09-28T13:38:00.002-04:00

While the bulk of my running labor for this year will not be complete until October 25th, I am already planning 2010's festivities. I think I have one more "big" race left in me before I look for some more local events. I want to run a full in my backyard, sleep in my own bed afterwards, have a beer in my local, the whole deal. But, it is not yet meant to be.

So, as it looks right now, 2010 will consist of at least one full marathon: Chicago. It is a city to which I have never been and I have read and heard nothing but the best about it since I started asking around.

I have considered a second and that could be Flying Pig in Cincinnati. Again, a well-supported, big race. With that, we shall see. From a training calendar standpoint, they seem to work well, but I will need to consult with others far more accomplished and intelligent than I am before committing to such things.

Listen to me... Planning marathons for a year from now. How in the world did I get here?

What a long, strange journey it has been

2009-09-27T11:09:00.005-04:00

Four months of running, eating, [some] sleeping and dreaming about what is to be... It never occurred to me either in considering the 2009 Marine Corps Marathon or after I registered for it, just how much the past few months and next few weeks would change my life. What started as a journey within a journey - the destination of which was as much of an unknown as anything I have ever attempted - now there is the sense that there is nothing I cannot do. And I have yet to run the race.

I have been married to this journey within a journey. Many who have already been fortunate enough to call themselves "marathoners" tried to explain to me just how "married" you become to the idea of a marathon, especially your first. As mine is of some travel distance away, there was first the hotel reservation followed by registering for the race itself. Assembling a training plan was soon followed by a stream of what felt like unconscious thought... more affectionately referred to as self-doubt.

Every training run was a small volume within a much more grand story, every week filled with trials and successes. Sometimes left with more questions than answers.

I sit here on the verge of starting my last big week of training before tapering for my first marathon. Oddly enough, the first thought that crosses my mind is that of sadness.

The mistakes I have made, estimates taken, painfully early/late/rainy/humid running, errant steps planted, the red clay on the carpet... All of it is soon to be a distant memory.

Yes friends, I am addicted to the process of training for a marathon. The known that is the unknown lures me in and is unrelenting in its stranglehold. It is not for the false pretense of thinking I am a Boston Qualifier ("BQ"), rather it is for the challenge issued to the person I see in the mirror every morning... A challenge issued. A challenge accepted.

Quitting would have been easy. I am carrying too much weight, still. There has not been enough time to build an adequate base prior to starting marathon training. I'm tired. It's raining. I'm not feeling it. I just don't want to.

Training for this race, while it has always focused on October 25, 2009, has never really been about the 2009 Marine Corps Marathon. Rather it has been about something far more empowering, to the extent possible.

Going through this process has shown me, in no uncertain terms, that I am capable of doing something grand and filled with variables, being led by little more than my heart and my legs - despite what my mind tells me.

I have said for some time that running is the key to a door. Each of us has a different key and it opens doors unique to each of us. For perhaps the first time in my life, the door that is open is full of opportunity, challenge and hope - three terms which were rarely if ever used together some six years ago.

This is who I am today, and I am proud of that. I could be better. I could be worse. Yet I will apply what I have learned to the next chapter of my life, running and otherwise.

I have no idea where I am going or how I will get there. What I can say, without hesitation, is that training for this marathon has showed me that the impossible is possible, the improbable is probable, and that strength comes in many forms and all of them are your friends.

Be well.

Halfway to somewhere

2009-09-14T19:44:00.003-04:00

Everything has a meaning, every word a notion of thought, every thought an emotion. I never really new, with any specificity, to where I have been running for the past 5-plus years. I would argue that I could have equally been running from just as much as running toward. The demons of my part - and arguably still of my present - are my companions on this ride. I am holding on for dear life with a sense of excitement and fright, hope and doubt.

My reasons for taking up running seemed simple enough: I was tired of weighing 350 pounds. At some point or another, that had to end. I just figured running was going to be one more of the feeble attempts to make change for the sake of change. Had I known that I was about to fall in love with something so simple yet, to this day, it continues to amaze me.

Initially, running felt all wrong, like punishment for three decades of self abuse. In reality, it was.

Now, 6+ weeks away from my first full marathon, I am filled with a wealth of emotion. More than anything else, I am proud of the progress I have made over the past 14 weeks. My legs are stronger and I have more endurance than at any other point in my life.

True though, there is something of a sadness lingering. Disappointed I never started running sooner, there is something to be said for this amazing new life I have been given... No, scratch that, EARNED.

I have learned that I can push myself beyond points which I previously thought were my limits. Every stride is an injection of adrenaline. Every foot strike adding beats to my heart and years to my life.

Running, for me, has been the key to a door - a door to a life from which I have kept myself for all my life.

While on a Self Care journey, many will refer to deprivation. Actually, when you are not taking care of yourself, you are depriving yourself of the quality life your mind and body are capable of providing.

Granted, running has not been the solution to all of my problems and I would never intend to imply as much. Rather the key that is running has opened the door. Where I go from here is as much of a question as it has ever been. What I can tell you is that my mind is clearer, my body is strong, my soul is filled with passion, and my heart with love. If this is what it means to live, then my only regret in life is that I did not find the key to this door sooner.

Be well.

Progress Report: 27 August 2009

2009-08-27T16:01:00.003-04:00

Well, I guess it has been a while...

Really, so much is going on right now, it is difficult for me to keep my mind straight and my body upright. My latest couch-to-5K group is progressing extremely well. I could not be more proud of them, their drive and determination, and ability to see past any challenge placed before them. I can only hope THEY soon see the entirety of strength they have in themselves.

Marathon training, from a physical perspective, is going well. I am getting in my miles and, to date, my legs are still attached. Amazing. I am filled with emotions that drag my mind all over the place and back again. There is still some lingering doubt about my sheer ability to cover the 26.2 mile distance. I know I will really start to feel the anxiety next week as I gear up for an 18-mile long run on Saturday. Yet for all of the trepidation, I am still resolute, perhaps more so than ever. While I have never before trained for or participated in a marathon, there is something paradoxically alluring about this whole process. Even though I am beating my body down with training, I know I am likely in the best cardiovascular and respiratory shape of my life. I marvel that I am running over 30 miles per week - a number that will continue to increase for another 5 weeks or so.

Yet it was a few days ago that I was taken back and, for me amazingly, speechless. My mom was nice enough to send me some "before" pictures. Now, past pictures for some may not be a big deal. For me, it is a swell of emotion, mostly anger. Staring at the images from 2000 and 2001, I have no idea who that person was. No clue. I knew I had issues. Plenty of issues. I guess I just never knew how bad things had gotten. In something of an odd twist, I took pity on the person in those photographs. He was not living his life. Rather, he was waiting for life to expire, perhaps to take him out of the daily mental and physical misery from which he suffered.

Seeing those images, knowing that person started running, at that size, makes me appreciate so much how far I have progressed.

But I digress...

Marathon training is moving along. My right hamstring is still an issue. Nevertheless, I am still chugging along. I have often considered what I will do when the actual marathon is over and I cross the finish line. Sure, there is the space blanket, the medal, re-hydration and something resembling solid food. Contemplating the emotions that will engulf me at that point is easy yet difficult.

Some times, when you achieve something great (i.e. something which you never previously attempted or never thought possible), you have clearly set the bench mark for even bigger and better things. The further I get outside of my comfort zone, the closer I get to my goals. The unknown, for lack of a better word, is the fuel that propels me on this journey.

Where I will go from here, I have no idea. What I do know, however, is that once I come down a bit from the marathon rush, there will be something else out there. More challenges await. This is what happens when you live your life knowing that you are often capable of doing anything that conventional wisdom says you cannot. Two eyes, looking forward...

We Will Stumble

2009-08-27T10:15:00.003-04:00

Granted, it took me stumbling over an uneven portion of sidewalk to remember this, but sometimes that is how we are reminded of our true selves. It was earlier this morning, in the faint, anticipatory glow of the morning's sunrise, that I was reminded of something that is often forgotten yet very important - we are fallible. We will stumble. It is a foregone conclusion. How frequently and to what degree remains to be seen. The key however is what we do when we fall.

We are obviously imperfect beings. Speaking for myself, I am far from the perfect husband, son, employee, friend, coach, whatever. It can often be unsettling to know that no matter how much effort is involved, perfection is unattainable. Just remember, you do not stumble because you are not trying - you stumble because you ARE trying. The key however is what we do when we fall.

This is obviously not relegated to only running. We can stumble in everyday life in any number of ways. Ask me, and I will tell you all of the ways I bring this to fruition. It is a natural reaction to employ self-pity or even a fatalistic attitude when this happens. After all, if we were meant to achieve something, we would not ever falter in our attempts, right?

Life is a very long and arduous journey filled with peaks and valleys. Embrace the fact that perfection is unattainable and focus your mind, heart, and body on being the absolute best person possible. Your focus on being the best YOU will make your journey that much more memorable and you can spend more time being proud of what you are instead of down on that which you are not. Know that regardless of your intentions and your ultimate goal, you will stumble and you may even fall. Always remember that, when you fall, make sure you end up facing up, because if you can look up, you can get up.

Be well.

Be Your Own Hero

2009-07-24T10:33:00.006-04:00

"Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show.” - Charles Dickens in David Copperfield

For the better part of my life, I spent my time wanting to be someone else, anyone else other than me. Sports are an important part of our society. As I grew up, I fell in love with sports of all kinds, partially as an escape. I was a fanatic, meant in the most extreme ways, with regard to sports, imagining myself on par with athletes similar to me in size and stature. All of this was a ploy, on my own behalf, to avoid living my life. The lie of my existence continued, fed off itself, and grew to monstrous proportions. I saw nothing wrong with it. I was deferring my life, my own existence, towards others in the hopes he would somehow lead me to the promised land with amazing athletic endeavors. In reality, I was in my early 30s and still playing pretend.

Many have done this very thing, in some way or another. We see people - perhaps celebrities - on television, in movies, and in print and truly feel some attachment to them and, what's more, look to them to be our heroes. When we are at our lowest, we often take pity on ourselves in that we are not how we want to be either in health, appearance, or mentality. A much easier alternative than affecting change is looking to others for the success or progress you wish to have.

However when it comes to your self-care, things are different. You write your story. You are the focal point of the narrative. You are in the lead role. You are your own hero.

Once I made the decision to right the ship and put my self-care plan into place, things changed. My concern no longer stood with comparing myself to famous athletes or in transferring my life onto them. In taking the initiative to be the hero of my story, in launching and directing my self-care, I found new abilities I never thought I had, including the ability to change myself both inside and out.

It all starts with the basic elements of self-care: eating cleaner, being more active, and developing a personal understanding. Incorporating self-care's basic elements into your life will provide you with a taste of success you may have never felt before - a genuine feeling that you can lend control to your health and put yourself on the path to a better, more positive life.

One taste of success leads to wanting more and, with improved, consistent efforts in the elements of self-care, you will set goals for yourself that you know will be achieved. As an added benefit, every goal you reach will make you stronger than ever before, both in mind and in body.

Write your own story and make yourself the focal character. Although it takes effort and dedication, being the hero of your own life is the most rewarding personal experience you may have and, as a result, you can be the strongest person possible for yourself and those important to you.

Be well.

Progress Report: 17 July 2009

2009-07-17T11:01:00.003-04:00

Something of a random entry, I know. This week (actually, it has been a few weeks since I last reported) has included nothing out of the ordinary. A 7-miler is planned for tomorrow morning. The next two weeks, however, will reach pinnacles with 12- and 13-milers respectively. So, the training is slowly becoming more and more of a reality. So too is the fact that I am on my way to this marathon. Odd... I still wonder, some times aloud and others to myself, when it will strike me that I will be running a marathon. Perhaps it will be the first time I run longer than ever before (which for me will be anything longer than 13 miles), maybe once I hit the peak of my training, or maybe not until I get to the starting line of the Marine Corps Marathon. Nevertheless, it continues to amaze me how preparing for this race (even in the early stages) let alone the actual race itself, has positively affected my life so far.

And there is a LONG way to go from here. 99 days and counting...

Dan Runs from Couch to Coach

2009-07-08T14:56:00.003-04:00

By Katherine Dyer City People Writer

kdyer2@greenvillenews.com

At 346 pounds, Dan Herman says he'd tried everything - diets, prescription weight- loss pills, everything - and nothing worked.

And he was fed up. Fed up from being endlessly ripped off by specialty clothing stores, fed up by the frustrating social perceptions, fed up from struggling to just move around, to sit, to stand.
He'd had enough.

"I decided to go to my local running store back home (in Pennsylvania) and get laced up," he says. It was the one thing short of surgery he hadn't yet tried.

Before starting out, he researched beginners running programs online ("What would I do without Google?") and found a wealth of information about the "Couch to 5K" training program.
Essentially, the nine-week program does exactly what its name suggests, providing tri-weekly workouts specifically designed to turn non-runners into 5K-finishers.

Herman was willing to give the program a shot.

"They say running's the most natural thing for your body to do," he says.

Yeah.

"Initially, it really sucked ," he recalls. "Those first few weeks were amazingly unnatural."
But he was doing something, he was moving, even if it was just for the 60-second intervals called for by the early workouts of Couch to 5K.

Then one day, he says, it happened. He was jogging in the park first thing in the morning, the sun was coming up, it was cool - about 60 degrees.

"There was just something," he says, "I couldn't tell you what it was. It wasn't an epiphany or anything like that, but somehow it just clicked. I challenge anybody - go out and run first thing in the morning when the sun is just coming up in the Upstate and not fall in love with it. It just sets the stage for a great day. Life is a whole lot better."

And from then on, running - jogging - was it for Dan Herman. As the weeks of Couch to 5K went by, he slowly, slowly, began to shed excess weight.

"I'm not saying that running's easy," he interjects emphatically into what sounds like a bit of a fairytale story.

"It was a labor, it absolutely was, you know. But now, five or six years later, I'm 120 pounds lighter, and it's been an absolute blessing."

He ran his first 5K, Bethlehem, Pa.'s Fountain Hill Memorial 5K, in 2006, collapsing to the ground immediately after crossing the finish line with a time of 27:03.

"You can't get that race T-shirt off me for anything," he says.

Now, Herman's pretty much hooked. He has competed in several 5Ks and 10Ks since 2006, as well as his first half marathon last fall in Greenville. Currently, he's training to run a full marathon in October.

But while he says Greenville is an area full of great runners and outdoor athletes, he readily insists that he is not one of them.

"As a bigger runner," he explains - he's now at about 220-ish pounds, "I can't run with a lot of the people I know - they're too fast for me. For a lot of new runners, that's very intimidating."

Well it's no longer intimidating for Herman, and part of his mission now is making other start-up, non-runners just as comfortable with themselves as he's become with himself.
For the past two years, he has coached seven 12-week "No Boundaries" programs through Fleet Feet.

Similar to the Couch to 5K program, No Boundaries provides simple resources and workouts that cater to beginners with the ultimate goal of participating in a 5K race upon completion of the program. No Boundaries, though, is a group training program, drawing upon social camaraderie as a means of support, encouragement and accountability.

"There's something so powerful about coming out with a group," he explains. "I preach this from the very beginning, 'It doesn't matter how fast or slow you are - there's no prize for who finishes first, and nobody leaves until the last person's in.'"

After all, he says, running doesn't have to be so serious.

"So many people are so dead set on being perfect," he says, citing the negative influence of reality weight loss TV shows on notions of eating habits and training routines. "They think, 'If I don't exercise 10 hours a day like they do on the ranch, I won't get where I need to be.'"
"Anyone who's even considering being active in any capacity," he says, "I urge them to take that first step for themselves. It doesn't matter where you go or with whom you train, just take that first step."

Progress Report: 22 June 2009

2009-06-22T12:57:00.003-04:00

Where to begin...

Another Couch to 5K group has left the nest and, despite my attempts to mess up their efforts, they performed extremely well at the Candlelight Run 5K this past Saturday evening. The course was challenging and the weather left a bunch to be desired. I was again fortunate to have been surrounded by their amazing strength and determination from the very start of this program to the very end.

The great thing, in something of a selfish capacity, is that being around these people - these folks who perhaps somewhat blindly, left at least a portion of their self-care in my hands for the better part of three months. In exchange for their trust, I did my best to nurture them on how to do the best you can, as often as you can and to always remember that this journey of ours is neither finite nor perfect. Mistakes will be made. But it is always about making better decisions more often than to the contrary.

Ultimately though, this is entirely about them. I hope they get from me at least a portion of the energy, drive, and determination I get from them. They will continue to run and be healthy and happy. For many of them, running was a singular key to a singular door. But that door opens up a world of possibilities. Anything is now possible.

On a personal level, MCM training is going well. Week Two is officially in the books with 16 miles. This week will be 15 miles and I am okay with that. Soon enough, we will be in uncharted territory and well beyond the 25 weekly miles I worked up to a few weeks back.

The scale's progress is showing as well...

03/30/09: 245.0
04/18/09: 241.2
04/22/09: 238.8
05/01/09: 235.2
05/16/09: 230.2
06/20/09: 227.0

I am dropping about 1.5 lbs per week while, by my own admission, not exactly being vigilant about what I eat. I am down a total of 118 lbs overall and my goal range of 200-215 lbs by October 25, 2009 is well within reasonableness. Thanks to the recommendations from a good friend, I ordered a couple of good reads on nutrition for distance athletes, so hopefully this helps sharpen things. My legs are feeling good and my mind is steady - for now.

Be well.

Progress Report: 17 June 2009

2009-06-17T08:33:00.001-04:00

Time is really flying.

I am less than one (1) week away from graduating yet another group of fantastic, energetic, and determined beginner runners into the world of open possibilities and where nothing is impossible. Their first 5K is this coming Saturday evening, and I will be there to cheer every last one of them across the finish line. It is funny, somehow, for me to try to explain to others just how much I take from coaching beginning runners. If nothing else, it continually reminds me just how special the act of starting out to run truly is. The first few runs, how incredibly painful both mentally and physically, so much self-doubt. Like I often preach, sooner or later, it just clicks. It happens for everyone, it is just a matter of when. Suddenly, running seems much more fluid and, to some degree or another, much less of a chore. Running is truly a gift we receive, there is no questioning that. However I believe running is a gift better when given to others. But that's me...

MCM training is going well. I am continuing to stretch with the help of some yoga-for-runners postures and the like. The right hamstring is still something of an issue, but I feel confident that this will continue to improve. I really need to consider a little massage therapy to help it along though. Weight is holding steady and, really, I am not expecting much more of a drop until the mileage picks back up over 20 per week, which will be soon enough... Soon enough, indeed.

Be well.

Progress Report: 19 May 2009

2009-05-19T13:36:00.001-04:00

Just a quick fly-by report here. I stepped on the scale on Saturday, May 16, 2009 and weighed in at... Well...

03/30/09: 245.0
04/18/09: 241.2
04/22/09: 238.8
05/01/09: 235.2
05/16/09: 230.2

Still, granted, a long way to go until I get to my ultimate goal, but the plan is in place, progress is being made, I am not starving, and my runs are getting done. What more could a guy want?

Progress Report: 01 May 2009

2009-05-01T09:06:00.001-04:00

Not much to report at this point. April was a decent running month for me, despite the nagging left shin and right hamstring issues. I am working through those though. I logged 68.10 miles in April and have 245.63 miles for the year so far.

A nice and somewhat easy 3-miler last night. The humidity has not even really begun to sink in here in South Carolina and I am already longing for weekday morning runs.

Here's how things have fallen since I really got back into journaling food with my running:

03/30/09: 245.0
04/18/09: 241.2
04/22/09: 238.8
05/01/09: 235.2

I am happy with the progression so far and, for me, I am eating more now than I was when I got down to my lowest weight of 206 back in 2006. I am feeling the benefits of the increased carbohydrate load, in a very good way. I still need my protein, otherwise I will eat My goal weight for MCM in October is 215. I think this is VERY reachable right now.

Be well.

2009 Reedy River Run 10K recap (late and very brief)

2009-04-23T09:29:00.002-04:00

Great day, great friends, and a great race. My first ever 10K was at the Reedy River Run on March 7, 2009 and I feel good about where I finished... 58:50. The picture above is after the race, as the lot of us recuperated and rehydrated. What is this "Zing Zang" thing of which they speak?

Progress Report: 22 April 2009

2009-04-22T07:53:00.002-04:00

Of course, with official Marine Corps Marathon ("MCM") training still about five (5) weeks away, the only kind of update I could be posting here is relative to...? That's right. Weight loss.

After re-tuning the diet (defined as calories consumed, and NOT in a restrictive manner), things have seemed to progress nicely. I stepped on the scale a few weeks back with 245 lbs staring back at me. As of this morning, I am 238.8 and can really start to feel the difference.

I am still a bit concerned about the left shin pain. I am not sure if it is either a muscular issue which could be resolved with some deep massage or something structural. I feel good with my combination of shoes and inserts (note: NOT the custom orthotics I shelled out $$$ for) right now. We shall see where this progresses. I can take a step back with the training for a couple of weeks to let it mend, if need be. I would much rather be fresh for the start of training than limping into it.

Be well.

The plan is in place

2009-04-19T19:57:00.003-04:00

As things progress, I will continue to write here more regularly. This will act as something of a hournal, something of a sounding board for thoughts and observations throughout training for the 2009 Marine Corps Marathon. I am, if not incredibly so, intrigued by the process and how it will change me.

Coming from someone who has never run a marathon before, allow me to say that the reality of actually running 26 miles, 385 yards did not really sink in until I started writing down my training plan. Sobering...

In my best day, maybe I ran 20 miles per week. The plan I will be using (the Hal Higdon novice plan - along with a minor tweak, for those of you following along at home) will last 20 weeks and will have me running 42 miles in my highest volume week. *shiver*

But I wrote all of that so I can write this... I could not be more focused and excited about that which lies ahead. To say that this entire process will be a life-changing event is the understatement of all understatements. My family and friends are important. My job, too, is important. However from the beginning of June until October 25, 2009, my body, heart, and soul will belong to the Marine Corps Marathon.

This is not about finishing in a particular time or whatever have you. This is all about doing something that 5 years or over 100 lbs ago, I never would have imagined. As I sit here, typing in the dark, there is a part of me that is anxious/scared to death about that which lies ahead. I am not sure, however, if I have ever been as focused on any one singular personal goal.

By all accounts, I cannot think of a better place to show my stuff than Marine Corps Marathon.

Time to get to work.

It's Official!

2009-04-06T09:30:00.001-04:00

Well, it is official. Thanks to the help of my wife and a great friend (Thanks, Lee!) I am officially registered for the 2009 Marine Corps Marathon. The race itself is on Sunday, October 25, 2009 and training will begin in June. I am anxious, excited, and petrified all at the same time.

Let the good times roll...

Progress Report: 10 February 2009

2009-02-10T13:41:00.001-05:00

As things stand now, I will start training for the Marine Corps Marathon on June 21, 2008. I am as anxious as I have ever been for a personal endeavor. This will be something the likes of which I have never attempted and, in reality, five (5) years ago or so, never would have even imagined. Sure, I ran the Spinx Half Marathon last October but, by my own admission, I never really trained for it the way I needed or wanted. This whole thing is a process. Now, more than ever, I will use my preparation for Marine Corps Marathon to finish what I started on this leg of the journey. I made it to the summit, but quickly slid right off. I am still within striking distance of the peak and know what it takes to get there. The time for excuses in my life has come and gone. While I get great joy in helping and training others, it is time for me to take care of things in my world as well, for a change.

Progress Report: 02 February 2009

2009-02-02T16:05:00.001-05:00

Wherever does the time go? I sit here, on a Monday, thinking about many things… Most of them not related to the vocation in which I currently reside. But I digress.

Things are, surprisingly, good right now. Last week, I ran a bit over 18 miles, which is the highest I have run in quite some time without grimacing in pain at the mere thought of it. The custom orthotics with these particular shoes appears to be the winning formula right now. That, and the fact that I am really minding my pace on most runs and not trying to “race.” For me, that is a straight shot to injury and that I cannot have. Not now. Training for the Marine Corps Marathon starts in earnest in May.

So, five (5) weeks until the Reedy River Run. I am proud of all of the runners in both my 5K and 10K groups right now. They are pushing forward in a very strong and determined way. I too am looking forward to running Reedy, specifically the 10K. I would be lying though if I said my mind and heart were not already starting to pack my bags for Germany. I need it, in so many ways.

Be well.

The best reason to run is staring at you in the mirror

2009-01-09T08:26:00.005-05:00

Motivation, so I have learned, is an evil, cynical mistress. It can be with you in one moment and leave you for dead the very next. It is invigorating and perplexing all at the same time. It is not always to be trusted but, when it is working in high gear, can often be your best friend. Often, when I think about why I run, often for a sense of motivation, I have to take myself back to the beginning... What got me started with running in the first place?

For the better part of my rational life, the amount of difficulty I had with "life-stuff" was legendary. Not only did I not have an avenue through which to relieve that stress but neither did I have the mental clarity to even form the necessary logical thoughts to solve any of my own problems. Running was, initially for me, a place to hide from the demons of my past. It was my own little vacuum-based world in which I could solve all of the world's (i.e. my) problems while having what would appear to the outsider as almost schizophrenic conversations with myself. This, for me, was revolutionary. Running, at least for me, is perhaps the best way for me to clear out my "mental inbox." I can solve many of the problems [at least temporarily] with which I may be plagued or, at the very least, think them through more coherently.

But enough about me...

There will be days when, whether with a group or on your own, when you will find it something next to unbearable to lace up your shoes to go out for a run. Allow me, however, to offer up to you that is the time when you need to get out there, more than perhaps any other. But how you go about moving yourself from being sedentary to running is the question.

The late Steve Prefontaine once said: "You have to wonder at times what you're doing out there. Over the years, I've given myself a thousand reasons to keep running, but it always comes back to where it started. It comes down to self-satisfaction and a sense of achievement."

Really, few other sentiments in the world sum up running quite like that. The purpose of running is metaphysical just as much as it is physical. It is the glue that can sometimes hold the few pieces of your life together in just such a way like nothing else can. Running is your best friend when no one else can or will listen. It is your time, for you. Running allows you the opportunity not only to flush out all of the negativity that this insanely condescending world has to offer but also, in the next stride, can offer you the greatest sense of satisfaction for achieving something that your mind told you to skip. Powerful stuff, indeed.

Motivation is something that is inside of all of us. It hides often when we need it most and, when we have it, can be the most infectious thing this side of the common cold. It is the former that deserves a long and close inflection. Find within yourself the reasons that brought you to running in the first place and I would be willing to bet you will find your motivation to continue down that road and on your journey towards many goals and a longer, happier life.

No one is perfect

2009-01-07T13:15:00.005-05:00

We see it all the time, whether it be on television, in print media, and just in our everyday lives. It is rubbed in our faces like a big and brazen symbol of that which many of us strive to be, albeit for better or for worse. Perfection is something dangling out there like a carrot that is rotten to the core. Sure, it is appealing on the outside and may even seem somewhat good for you, but on the inside is nothing more than a disappointing emptiness that leaves you with a further sense of desperation than that which which you started.

It can be infuriating, without question. The images portrayed of physical perfection are just that: images. Like a great comic strip, the point is made, but the substance is a bit lacking.

So I say: "So what?"

It is not only impractical but I would argue that it is counterproductive to think for one single solitary moment that anyone can be absolutely perfect with regard to dietary plan, physical activity, and the rest of the self-care elements.

There mere thought of doing something other than that which is perceived to be perfect strikes a sense of fear in some the likes of which I cannot comprehend. It is almost as if you can be your own worst critic... on steroids. Now, while I am not an expert in anything other than falling off the wagon only to climb back on, I will quickly point out that this sort of militancy will put you on a road to failure sooner than ignoring your self-care altogether. If your notion of self-care is filled within nothing other than thoughts of perfection, you have no room for "life stuff." That is, you have no wiggle room to live. By clamping yourself into the mindset of perfection in all places and at all times, you paint yourself into a corner from which you may never be able to recover.

That is not to say that I am giving clear credence to making less than idea choices on a regular basis. Far from it. Reaching your self-care goals has nothing to do with beating yourself into submission with rigid standards that are, for want of a better word, unsustainable and impossible to maintain. Self-care does not come from a nice and neat little bottle or other seemingly benign package promising you a wonderful if not dramatic cleanse in ten days. What a properly developed and maintained self-care plan will offer you, however, is the ability to live the rest of your life far from the fear and trepidation that comes with the false sense of needing to be perfect.

Self-care is not perfect. If it were, you may not be reading this and I may not have written it. You, at the same time, are perfect in your own way. You and your self-care plan can be perfect for you, together. Making better decisions with regard to foods and activity are just the beginning. Perfection, for me, is finding that almost ethereal balance of making sure my body gets what it needs to be effective with running and, perhaps more importantly, the rest of my life.

Free your mind of the thoughts of perfection: whether you feel you do not run fast enough, your waist is not slender enough, you feel you are not able to eat like someone else, or whatever the case may be... Life your life for you, by the best self-care plan you can develop. Life happens.

Self-care is a learning experience just as much as it is a way of life. You will learn great things about yourself that, if you had opted to take a shiny packaged way out, you may not have known. Errors in judgment happen and are generally unavoidable. Just remember that if you fall, make sure you are face up, because if you can look up, you can get up.

Be well.

What would we be left with if not for challenges?

2009-01-05T12:29:00.006-05:00

It is not unusual at all, really, to think about how someone else may "have it better" or how your journey seems, at least on the surface, to be so much more difficult than just about anyone else's. I am here to tell you, my friends, that these challenges not only build character (just like your Mother told you so many times) in a very hardened fast way, but they also give you the grand opportunity to truly revel in your accomplishments as you begin to achieve your goals.

Let's bring this back into focus for a moment. Running, on some days, is not fun for me. I offer to you this sentiment... there is NO bigger challenge on days which you have dedicated to running than to actually lace up the shoes and get out the door. The mere thought of running, the notion of lacing up a pair of odd looking shoes to meander down through some neighborhoods, has been known to gnaw at my very last nerve from time to time. There are times when it is nothing short of a chore that could be synonymous with cleaning out the gutters of my house or cleaning out a chicken coup. Of course, not all running days are like this for me. Daily stresses, instigators, other do-badders who insist, albeit unknowingly, to ruin my day just enough so that the thought of running does not come before the thought of a soothing Gin and Tonic. Yes, my friends... Running is evil. That is, of course, until I finish the run.

Sitting down to the supper table is no different. In fact, challenges are more prevalent here than anywhere else as we eat a whole lot more often than we run. There are and will continue to be those who will tell you that you can eat and drink whatever you like and your running will "balance it out." Yeah, that has worked not so well for me over the years. We are often bombarded with thoughts and opinions on how, what, where, and why to eat... I am absolutely certain that the infomercials, books, television programs, product placements, and the like are not, in any way, aimed to take money out of your pocket in an egregious way.

Putting all of the elements to a good self-care plan into place is difficult, to say the least. It is much akin to creating your own language, from scratch. You have to develop your own terms that are relevant to that which you want to achieve, assemble those terms in a way that means something to you and, hopefully, to those around you and, perhaps most importantly, you want it all to make sense. In reality, that is easier said than done when it comes to this journey.

You may have been told or will be told at some point along your journey that this hill is too steep to climb. Well, I doubt that. I have told you already and I will tell you again... Your biggest challenge, really, has been conquered. Like it or not, you are a runner. You made the decision that your prior life-ways are no longer in line with your current self-care plan.

The best part of this whole thing? Not only have you invested time and effort into yourself and your future, but you have surrounded yourself with many like-minded people. Allow me to welcome you to your built-in support system.

Going forward, both literally and figuratively, you will never walk alone.

Be well.

Tomorrow starts today

2008-12-28T11:48:00.002-05:00

So often, we are stricken with guilt over what could have been, what ought to have been, and what should be. We are quick to form these grand plans in our minds about where we see ourselves personally, professionally, and with regard to our self care. Many will say there is always tomorrow. I disagree. Tomorrow's successes are the direct result of not your words, but rather your actions today.

The time is coming for resolutions to be made and broken. Remade and re-broken. It is easy given how unproven and shaky in support as our surroundings can be at times. Companies make billions of dollars off folks like us who, as soon as we take that first step towards self care, they know we are destined for failure and several subsequent attempts to make good on the age old promise to ourselves to just "be better."

January 1st is right around the corner. What positive changes have you already made in your life that have put you on the road to better self care in 2009? Do not put off until tomorrow that which you can accomplish today. If the changes you want to implement are genuine in nature, and if you are completely behind them with every ounce of your very being, there is no reason to get a head start on the rest of the human race.

Do something good for yourself now. Do it now. Do it today. Get a head start on the new year and the rest of your life.

The Decision Has Been Made

2008-12-17T08:15:00.003-05:00

Well, the time has come to stop fretting about this thing. After much thought, discussion with my wife who is my absolute rock of support, and folks who either have the Marine Corps Marathon ("MCM") on their Marathon Bucket List or have done it already, this is the race for me. The organization, the crowd support, the pride, the course (serious hills in the first 8 miles, by the way), and the location just seem to make this a good choice for me.

How often can we run right next to the Washington Monument or the White House or the Pentagon with closed streets? Neither my dad nor my uncles were in the Marines but, you know, I think I am able to look past that... Rather, I will be proud to have a member of our armed forces place that finisher's medal around my neck when I cross the finish line.

Some have told me that my first marathon will be like another prior first in my life... full of sound and fury signifying nothing (i.e. will not live up to the hype). I disagree. Being a part of the MCM is something that, really, I am not sure how it could not inspire me more.

I am looking forward to registration, training, and getting there. I truly feel at peace with this. Now, the fun part... Training.

Be well.

Why do we want that which we do not have?

2008-12-14T07:25:00.002-05:00

I have seen it for years... People seemingly with everything compared to my presumably nothing. Someone else is skinner, did it easier, did not struggle as much as I did, or fail as much as I failed. Surely they must also be happier than me as a result of that. Maybe. Maybe not.

Obviously though, the grass is not always greener. Ease in one's pursuit should not imply happiness. If I have said it once, I have said it too many times... A large part of the reward is in the toil and effort put into your journey.

Yet why still am I almost always intrigued by those who take a different path on their journey (i.e. an easier path or, better, one of less resistance)?

My prior life (and, I would argue, partial current life) of self-deprecation, self-abuse, self-neglect - perhaps better, ignorance - has made me into the person I am today, for better or for worse is up for discussion. But the desire for the easy way out, which referring to it that way is perhaps presumptuous on my part, is nothing more than to short change myself on that which will truly right the wrongs of my past work. To not struggle, to not put forth all of the effort I have to make myself right or, perhaps a better word is "better", through self-care really is to eliminate perhaps the biggest prize of them all - knowing that it was earned and not given, achieved by effort, and the understanding of all that went into it.

Perhaps I am making excuses for the willful desire to torture myself with this long, drawn out process. Just perhaps. But I still believe there is something more there to be had. What I have is truly mine. Granted, I am not to where I want to be just yet. Yet I think as time goes on I will be less attracted to the shiny, packaged alternative of an easier way compared to the lessons I have learned/am learning. My appreciation and respect for this process, for my own self-care, to understand the effort that went in to get me to where I am now and where I want to be down the road, will only go to further strengthen my resolve to ensure that I will never be that way again.

Progress Report [of sorts]: 10 December 2008

2008-12-10T12:27:00.003-05:00

Well, what's to report, really...

I have not run in a little over a week due to the simple fact that my running has felt, for lack of a better word, horrendous. The contorted way in which my stride has evolved moves me to tears with every single step. So, something had to be done. Hovering around the 240-ish mark makes me even more weepy, really.

Thanks to the help of a good friend who just so happens to be a phenomenal physical therapist, I am on a path to getting back out on the roads. Lots of stretching and strengthening of the lower back, continued work on the core muscles, and a prescription for custom orthotics are in order. That and, of course, losing the remaining weight on my frame. That kind of goes without saying though.

So, it will be a couple of weeks without my believed running shoes. No long slow runs, no tempos, no intervals. None of it. I find it hard right now to even read about running even though I have some books to sift through in an attempt to formulate a marathon training plan.

Ahh yes... The marathon issue. I am aiming for the Kiawah Island Marathon in December of 2009. My thought process, flawed as it may be, includes reducing my weight [somewhat], getting back on the road, and building a solid base of 20-ish miles per week between now and the start of May. Then, it is all about training for 26.2. TWENTY-SIX point TWO.

I must be insane.

Progress report: 25 November 2008

2008-11-25T08:28:00.003-05:00

Little to report today. I am taking today off after my 62:00 run yesterday morning. I will put runs in tomorrow, Friday, and likely on Saturday as well. My right hamstring is still noticeably tight. I know this has been linked to a hip flexor issue for the better part of 6 months, but I just cannot seem to shake it. I am doing my best to be mindful of it, but another trip to the massage therapist may be in order.

So I sat home last night and watched videos from the Philadelphia Marathon. Of course, I was completely sucked into the emotion and grandeur of the whole thing. The question keeps popping into my mind... Can I really do that? I wonder. I truly wonder.

But then I think back to the No Boundaries groups I have been coaching. Surely when they started off on their respective journeys they felt some sense of trepidation, some inkling of doubt. The initial intervals of 90 seconds of running must have seemed like an eternity for some of them. In fact, they told me as much... OFTEN. This, for me, is really no different than that.
I preach all the time that our bodies want to be progressively more and more active. However it is our minds which work to prevent our bodies from doing that which they were obviously built to acheive... MOVE. My most negative thinking with regard to distance running usually comes during the tougher part of a training run... My mind, in an attempt to shut down the whole operation, will do anything and everything to debilitate my efforts and put me on a fast track including little more than the couch, the refrigerator and, if I am lucky, the bathroom.

So, in the end, it really is nothing more complicated than mind over matter. I don't mind running so long as I don't let my brain matter, well, matter. Pushing that mental edge of the equation is truly the great variable in the equation of self-care. Each person's value attached to that variable is different. Some can push to the N-th degree without even thinking about it. Me, I tend to want to cave in. During my first half marathon, I wanted to stop. I really did. The last three (3) miles were the worst I have ever run in my life in every way imagineable. I thought about cutting across the line during the little out-and-back part. I even thought about quitting altogether. What was I ever thinking when I signed up for this thing?

But something funny happened on the way to the Forum... I did it. I stopped listening to my mind and just went. Now, when I finished, I WAS finished. No doubt there. But there was no real sense of regret for having done it. Rather, the first thing that popped into my mind was: "What's next?"

Well, I think I found it. The third Sunday in November, 2009. The Philadelphia Marathon. I am not sayin'. I'm just sayin'. It's a thought. Hopefully, my brain will not get too much in the way.

Who knew re-gifting could feel so good?

2008-11-08T14:04:00.002-05:00

Having the opportunity – let alone the ability – to create something tangible is a goal that many of us have. Some create art, save lives, write books, and erect structures. While these are all noble pursuits, to affect other peoples’ lives in a positive manner, to help them see not only the beauty and potential in themselves but also in others may perhaps be the best of all.

The time I have had over the past year to work with, mentor, and help beginner runners, would-be healthier folks, and otherwise individuals who just wanted to feel good about something (anything!) has been nothing short of priceless. Having lived the way that I have lived, having neglected the way I have neglected, having thought the way I have thought, it is no small miracle that I am still here, working on my own self-care plan while at the same time, trying to help so many others flush out their own self-doubt.

People continue to ask me why I continue to coach beginning runners… The answer could not be more simple. The pride I have in the people with whom I have trained pales in comparison to the joy I see when they take what they have learned and apply it not only to their own daily lives, but when it is re-gifted to others. It has been my experience that people truly want to absorb the information, motivation, and tools they want and need to develop and maintain their self-care plans. The real gift, to me, is seeing them repackage those tools and pass them along to others. The gift that keeps on giving…

You have something to offer someone else with that which you have learned. Rest assured. Passing that gift along to someone else who may be in the same position you were some time ago is perhaps the most gratifying thing you can do aside from your personal accomplichments. You have these gifts inside of you. Much like this self-care plan you are developing, which needed nothing more than a swift little unearthing, you have these things inside of you.

Take what you have learned and share it with others. They may nod in a somewhat empty, listening-to-the-in-laws kind of way, but I guarantee at least some of your message will stick. Let them know from where you came. Explain to them how you have toiled to get to where you are. Then, tell them where you want to be going forward. Your heart will swell with a unique sense of self-pride the likes of which may have never felt. But think of the person who receives your gift. If you have packaged it well, complete with an appealing bow to tie it all together, odds are good that your gift will be re-gifted from them to someone else. Now, look at what you have started…

So I ask you… How will you re-gifted that which you have been given? And to whom?

Race Report and Random Musings

2008-10-27T13:48:00.006-04:00

Well... Where to begin. As always, so many things to write, so little time to reduce them to written form.

Suffice to say, my training for the Spinx Runfest Half Marathon did not exactly come off without its fair share of hitches. Quite the contrary. I could not seem to stay physically healthy, no matter what I did. Initially it was a seriously pulled/strained right hamstring (thanks to some bad hip flexors). Then it was really bad shin splints due to some poor shoe choices. As if that was not enough, six days prior to the race, I came down with a terrible cold.

Nevertheless, I stand before you (well, sit really) victorious. It was not pretty from a style perspective, but in my mind it was a thing of beauty. The day (25 October 2008) started out almost perfect. Cloud cover, a little warmer than expected (55-ish) and a light rain.

I got the starting line with about 12 minutes until the starting gun. I did some light running to loosen up my body, but the cold I had been battling left me really whipped, and I felt it. I really started second guessing the run. It was at that point that I made one promise to myself... just get to mile 3. I made the mistake, however, of wearing a long sleeve albeit thin pullover. By mile 2 I wanted to tear the thing off ala Hulk Hogan. By mile 3, I slowly started to find my rhythm, which was about normal for me. My biggest fear was going out too fast, but I ran consistent mile splits that were well within my range. I was thrilled. Mile 7 started the most challenging 3 miles of the course, filled with more hills than I would have liked. Still, I pressed on, tackled every water stop like a champ, swigging a little water, dumping a little on me to cool down. By mile 10, I was starting to feel the wear and tear. My longest training run had been 10.5 miles (twice, actually), so the mental aspect of carrying on past that point slowly (no, quickly) entered into my mind. Through some deep inflection and concentration, mostly thinking about my late uncle's battle with prostate cancer, it was clear I could not quit. He never did. Neither would I.

The finish of this particular race was cool as the finish line was at home plate of the local minor league baseball team's stadium. As I entered the stadium from right field, I knew I only had a little further to go. My legs (and mind) were jello. I rounded the outfield and made the stretch run down the third base line. I would love to sit here and tell you how I sprinted to glory at the end, but I cannot. I had nothing left. Nothing. I said a quick prayer, crossed the finish line and saw not only my fantastic wife, but also the vast majority of my No Boundaries group that I had been training, waiting on me to finish. I could not have asked for a better welcome.

I completed my first ever half marathon in 2:17:14.

To the extent possible, I hopped the wall, slogged up the steps and claimed my medal. Suffice to say, I am still carrying it with me as we speak until I can find a suitable resting place for it.

I learned a great deal about myself not only training for this race, but also during and after the race. I am still not sure it has settled in that I did what I did. Odd. I know I was there. My still sore legs tell me so. I guess it comes down to that little yet omnipresent demon inside of me that, even while I was out there running those last few miles, still tried to tell me that it was okay to give up, acceptable to quit. My history of doing just that is long. But this time I didn't. I wouldn't. Some have told me that their bodies quit on them long before their minds do when it comes to distance races. For me, it was the exact opposite. I cannot remember a time when I was more proud of myself for neglecting my own thoughts.

I am a very proud person today. I am proud of my wife for completing her first ever 5K (under my tutelage, of course). I am proud of my No Boundaries group (all 35 of them) for completing their 5Ks with gigantic smiles on their faces. Lastly I am proud of myself for doing the exact opposite of that which I have long been known to do.

Who knew?

Progress Report: August 4, 2008

2008-08-04T08:08:00.002-04:00

Things are going well, overall. The more I focus, the less I think and, dare I say, the more I am true to myself, the more I realize just how important this journey is to me. To be angered to no end about not making progress in my journey while, all the long, knowing fully well that I was not doing all of the things necessary to make that dream of success a reality was, well, idiotic. I am focused now on recording all of the things that I consume. Alcohol is not the mainstay in my lifestyle that it may once have been - for whatever reason. This too is a learning experience. It is something that, if I really put my mind, heart, and soul into it, I have no doubt in my mind that success will follow.

Garbage in, garbage out, indeed. I now know why I have felt like such crap for so long. I may have been running, I may have "said" I was watching what I ate. But ultimately, I was too busy making excuses to justify my bad choices to really see what I was doing - i.e. giving myself an out to go back to the way I was over 100 lbs ago.

Strange...

But nevertheless, I digress. The running is going well. I am toying with the notion of running after work during the week. The morning thing is, well, shaky at best. We shall see. The long runs are progressing nicely. I logged a 1:15 run (about 7 miles) this past Saturday, and truly enjoyed it. It is crucial for me now, just as much as it will be on the day of the half marathon, to remember that this is fun. Just as it is easy to forget that I am a runner, it is equally as easy to forget that this was, is, and will continue to be fun for me. Losing that feeling would be to lose my soul, my driving force on this journey. Yes, I said it. Running is fun... and amazing, and beautiful, and challenging, and the best thing that has ever happened to me outside of my lively wife. Life, my friends, is not all bad.

Be well.

Progress Report: July 26, 2008

2008-07-26T08:23:00.003-04:00

Obviously, in case you have not noticed already, the tone of my posts is generally much improved after a run...

Week 2 of the official half marathon training plan is in the books and, I have to say, I am feeling alright. Granted, I have not done anything to date that I have not done at some point before. Although the intervals and tempo run were a bit shocking to the system. I feel good, mentally and physically. And right now, both are crucial.

I have recently learned something with regard to my wanting to find ways to give up... Brick walls, whether self-imposed or otherwise, are meant to show us that which we really desire. That is, if we want something bad enough, we will work through anything to make it happen. By the time this whole mini-journey of mine is done, I will have run a half marathon. I am sure, at a few points throughout the run, I will want to quit, mentally or physically, or all around. But this is something I want to acheive so much for myself. To see if I can do it. To take that next step in my life.

Where that next step leads is anyone's guess.

Feel free to check out my online Fit Day journay to make sure I am eating right and getting in my exercise. The weight is slowly rectifying itself. While weight loss is not THE goal in training for this half marathon, running at a lighter weight seems VERY appealing to me.

Be well, friends.

Progress Report: July 22, 2008

2008-07-22T09:36:00.002-04:00

Well, things are definitely progressing. I am into the early stages of my Half Marathon training plan and seem to be moving along just fine. This morning, despite my best efforts to avoid it, I had my first taste of intervals and really enjoyed it. Thursday will be my first shot at a tempo run followed by Saturday's long slow jaunt.

Slowly but surely, I am getting to feel dialed in on all levels. I am [again, slowly] regaining my form with regard to my eating. This is nothing short of a miracle. Four week ago, I was down to 226 lbs. Two days ago, I was 238 lbs. Perhaps I was just retaining some water...

*sigh*

I know this is a process. However it never ceases to amaze me at just how easy it has been for me, historically, to add weight. It is painfully upsetting at times, when I really think about it. But ultimately I am the one in control of my self-care plan and my decision making processes. I have done the bad. Now it is time to continue my form in doing the good.

This Half Marathon in October is about a lot of things for me. People will often ask me why I run. Sometimes I will give the company line that I love the way it makes me feel and the freedom of mind and body it offers when I am on the roads. Really though, as I am still fighting my demons, I am still running away from things just as much as I am running towards a goal or event. Perhaps this will change as time goes on and I continue to learn about myself. Perhaps not.

I am just happy I can run at all.

On Monday, it al begins...

2008-07-09T18:58:00.002-04:00

Starting this coming Monday, July 14, 2008, I will start training for something I truly felt I would never attempt - a Half Marathon. Specifically, the Spinx RunFest Half Marathon, scheduled for October 25th. This is yet another reminder to me of how far I have come and where I have yet to venture. I will learn a great deal about myself over the next few months. I will post regular weekly updates on this Blog as to my progress. Stay tuned...

Where Have I Been?

2008-06-23T19:14:00.002-04:00

Oh the more things change, the more they stay the same. As I sit here typing, sore still from the Candlelight Run 5K this past Saturday, I am still grinning some. Something so simple as a run like that, a run for which I did not train and, admittedly was carrying around "some" extra weight. Needless to say, I am proud of myself not for running the race at all, but for accepting the challenge I put down.

I truly wanted to run as hard as I could, just to see what I had in the tank. Those of you who know me and swing by this Blog often know I have been battling a nasty hamstring injury for some time to the point that, combined with some serious lack of motivation, I think I ran all of TWICE in the two weeks leading up to this race. If nothing else, the hamstring was well rested. But I sit here proud and with some semblance of a focused re-dedication.

If anyone knows that this journey, this self-care plan is not an overnight thing, it should be me. I cannot lie... Sometimes I forget that. Nevertheless, back in the saddle I sit. Re-energized by the act of running - placing one foot in front of the other in a repeated fashion. So simple yet so vital in so many ways.

I ran for about 40 minutes tonight. It probably should have been more of a 30-35 minute run, but I would not be me if I did not push it a little bit. I will take this slow for the next few weeks, running 3 times per week. Praying things hold form, I may add one more short run but I will not run more than 4 days per week in getting ready for the half marathon in October. For me, that just may be overkill. We shall see.

But for now, I am going back to grinning.

Be well.

Progress Report: June 1, 2008

2008-06-01T11:33:00.002-04:00

Well, I did it again... Seemingly on a whim, I registered for the Sunrise 8K run for June 14th in Simpsonville. It should be fun and I am really looking forward to it. I know I have not posted for a while - things have been crazy. That said, I am sitting firm at 236.2 right now - and I am somewhat okay with that, considering all that has happened over the past several months. I am back in weight loss meetings, which will certainly help as far as accountability is concerned. And for me, it is all about the accountability. Is it ever.

Be well.

Well, now I went and did it!

2008-05-22T13:16:00.002-04:00

In what appears to have been a fit of idiocy, I registered yesterday for the 2008 Spinx Runfest Half Marathon. It will be held on Saturday, October 25th. Of course, I am exagerrating a bit on the "idiocy" part. Suffice to say, there is a lot of work to be done between now and then.

My food consumption of late has been of questionable quality and thanks to this nagging right hamstring injury, I have not really been able to run as consistently as I would like. Right now, it is more along the lines of 3-4 days per week.

Ultimately, the goal right now is to get to July pain-free and with some kind of consistent mileage base (15 miles, perhaps) before really ramping up the training. I am leaning towards time-based training as compared to mileage-based. I think it will be easier for me to track and, let's face it, with my Type A personality, simplifying things may not be such a bad idea.

So, that's it. I am all registered and ready to go. I feel somewhat confident in being able to finish, but it will be getting to the starting line healthy which will prove to be the first mahor obstacle.

I will continue to post updates on a weekly basis as my way of "checking in". Feel free to post you comments along the way.

Be well!

Recap: 7th Annual Safe Harbor Run

2008-05-12T11:38:00.008-04:00

In honor of Mother's Day, Safe Harbor held their 7th Annual Harbor Run (on Saturday, May 10, 2008). The 8k run started and finished at Fluor Field, the home of the Greenville Drive. The route included downtown Greenville and Cleveland Park. Vicky Echeverria was the overall female winner while Orinthal Striggles took the top honors for the men followed by Tim Briles (top picture). Safe Harbor states the run is "The Upstates Race Against Domestic Violence".

The race director, Sheila McCullough (bottom picture), owner of Fleet Feet Sports in Greenville, spent countless hours coordinating with her staff and a dedicated group of volunteers to make this event fantastic for everyone involved. The course route, slightly adjusted from years past, offered a great balance of rolling hills and scenic views of downtown Greenville on this beautiful Saturday morning. Many thanks go out to all who were involved including all of the sponsors, volunteers, participants, and spectators.

Note: Portions this post (italicized) and photographs were taken from The Greenville News and full credit is given to the paper and its staff.

Progress Report: May 12, 2008

2008-05-12T10:29:00.002-04:00

Slow and steady wins the race, so they say... I have been repeating that sentiment over and over again lately. I am down a little more to 232.2, so the progress is still there. I could not be happier. I know that the key is making better decisions more often than not. Easier said than done. But it really is true. In times like this when it is all about trying to be as consistent as possible, the minor victories turn into major ones.

I could not be happier with the snail's pace I am on...

Be well.

Progress Report: April 29, 2008

2008-04-29T07:50:00.002-04:00

I figured it had been long enough since I have last visited the scale. Down slightly to 235.2. I am thrilled with that. Sure, it is a slow process - as it should be. This is for all intent and purposes a marathon. Not a sprint.

I have not been able to run very much within the past couple of weeks thanks to this nagging hamstring injury and I do not think I will for at least another week or two. So it is resistance training and stationary biking for me.

No date-specific deadlines for me. No high-end rewards waiting for me at the end (at this point). Right now it is all about simply doing what I know needs to be done. Period.

If only it were always that simple.

Be well.

Heed the call...

2008-04-28T08:53:00.001-04:00

When did you first contemplate taking that initial step? How much time has passed? How many times have we put it on the back burner?

For me, it was the better part of 32 years. Thirty-two years. That is an incredibly long time to ignore oneself, but that is exactly what I did. That first step on my journey - my self-care plan, if you will - was one of the more difficult things I have ever done in my life. I was a life long obese child, adolescent, and adult who ballooned to 340 pounds. I was, for all intent and purposes, a statue. I could not walk very much due to back pain and and neurological issues that went along with it. Essentially, merely existing was a problem for me. I rarely if ever left the friendly confines of my own abode. Why? It took far too much effort. I was frustrated, angry, and depressed.

Sure, there were some out there who "tried" to get me on the path. One doctor told me to "push away from the table a little sooner", another prescribed weight loss pills that were not even approved by the F.D.A., and yet another said the key was common sense. While the latter advice was not exactly inaccurate, it was clear that I had none of that.

I kept making assurances to myself that the next day would be different. I would really do it this time - starting Monday. Heaven knows, I could never start a self-reclamation project on the weekend! Those were the days for me to be "normal". Unfortunately for me, "normal" days included far too much indulgence and too little common sense when it came to my own self-care. I am no genius, that I will freely admit. But how ignorant I was to listen to all of my own excuses and justifications for simply not taking care of myself.

Then suddenly, one day, it clicked. I cannot tell you what day it was and I am not sure that it matters. It was not an epiphany really or even a traumatic event. It was just an ordinary day when I could swear I heard the starting gun go off in my head, heart, and soul. That was the beginning of the rest of my life.

Normally, a fresh start on a self-care plan for me included swift and assured failure. But this time was seemingly very different. I resigned myself to accepting the fact that every day would be a learning experience. If I would fall, I would pick myself back up, dust myself off, and learn from it. If I make a bad food choice, or miss a chance to exercise, or do not get enough rest, I would not beat myself up over it. Rather I would do the best I could going forward.

Remember folks, we were given eyes in the front of our heads and not in the back, so we can see where we are going. Not where we have been.

Far too many people think that health and wellness is difficult. Nothing could be further from the truth. It all starts with making one small change whether it is watching what you eat a little more closely, eating cleaner (i.e. fruits and vegetables, foods that are not processed or processed as little as possible), getting a little more active, or something. ANYTHING! It is not about being perfect, all of the time. No one can do that. Rather it is about being better more often than not. To win the war of self-preservation, with your trusty self-care plan by your side, you merely need to win more battles than you lose. Obviously, the more battles you win, the better you are in the long run. Once you take that first step, you are already a winner for having started caring for yourself again and, for some of us, for the first time.

Listen for the starting gun. Do not let 30-plus years get by you before you hear that gun go off in your head, heart, and soul. Listen for that call. Take it, and go with it. Your body wants to be active and healthy, by its very nature. We are the only ones who are keeping that from happening!

Take that first step. While it may not seem like much on the surface, it is the first step of this never-ending journey of ours that will be the most rewarding and memorable for the rest of your life.

Be well.

Progress Report: April 20, 2008

2008-04-20T19:50:00.002-04:00

Well, things are moving along. I am down a little more than four (4) pounds in the past month to about 236. I could not be happier. So, to date, I have lost 104 pounds and have kept it off for over two (2) years. It still amazes me sometimes, yet other times I have to remind myself of how far I have come. It is one of those funny things.

The point of this exercise is that anyone can do it. After years of self-neglect and abuse of my body, I found my self-care plan and put it to use. It is by no means perfect. Far from it. But I am working forward. Like my late uncle always told me: "If you are not progressing, you are regressing." So true.

Health and wellness can save you money!!!

2008-04-14T14:55:00.003-04:00

The economy these days is obviously not great. This is not a newsflash to anyone, I am sure. However it is slowly but surely getting worse in a new yet rather unexpected way. The solution? It is simple... adopt a self-care plan and re-invest in your own well being!

The cost of gas is rising. Real estate prices are falling. The job market is sketchy. The dollar is tumbling in foreign markets. All of these are, obviously, concerns for us as a society. Why would anyone want to add further expense to an already stretched budget? Well, in the future, your employer may adopt a plan where you pay more of the premiums and, possibly, more in the way of co-pays and medication costs. In some cases, a lot more.

Companies are getting to the point now where they are tired of bearing the brunt of the downfall from the sedentary lifestyles of their employees. While that may be a bit brash, it is reality. Instead of eating this cost, companies are looking to pass the buck on to you, the employee, for your health insurance premiums, doctor visits, and prescriptions.

This, my friends, is not the end. A good self-care plan can help stave off this trend, at least in your own world. Being more active, eating better, and getting enough rest are key components to a solid self-care plan. I have mentioned this term before and will undoubtedly do so again. However keeping yourself healthy can help you save on medical costs. By adopting a self-care plan, you can begin to put your body back to center, and in a much more healthier place, overall. Ultimately, this equates to fewer visits to the doctor and less of a need for certain medications.

Even more, there are some companies that will essentially compensate you (really, they allow you to save money) on your health insurance by simply adopting a self-care plan. One company in particular offers a 75% reduction in health care premiums for taking part in their wellness program, which includes attending a few meetings and seminars about health and wellness, and submitting to the occasional health screening to monitor your progress. Would anyone reading this right now turn down that kind of opportunity? I think not.

Being active is inexpensive. Invest in a good pair of walking or running shoes (including getting properly fitted for them, people), and you can exercise to your heart's content. As I once heard, "your shoes never say no - only you do". So, don't say no. Take advantage of that gym that never closes and allows you to go to so many wonder places both geographically and spiritually.

Eating cleaner is not as expensive as many would like you to believe. Sure, eating organic can cost a touch more. Managing portions, however? Therein lies the key. Portion control has been the bain of my existence for as long as I can remember. There is no way that is 4 ounces of chicken! But it is. Eating more fresh, less processed foods is a fantastic way to help clear your mind and body of many of the things that have been slowing it down over time. Reintroduce yourself to some of the fantastic local produce in your area. Eat fresh, eat seasonal, eat local. Try it and in a few weeks, you will be amazed.

Sure, being healthier overall is not the solution to all of the world's problems. However it does allow you to take control of you life - your body and mind - and at least have some say as to how things play out. Adopting a self-care plan just makes good sense. You feel and look better inside and out and, now, you may even save yourself a substantial amount of money.

A better fiscal plan you cannot find.

ASICS, Fleet Feet Sports, and Furman University team up to help local children

2008-04-13T11:47:00.004-04:00

Since our local media has seen fit to provide zero coverage for this event, I am going to take it upon myself to do so...

On Saturday, April 12, 2008, thanks to the donations of so many individuals, 125 local Greenville County children received brand new ASICS running shoes and other goodies. With their new blue shoes, the children took part in the Blue Shoe Mile, in conjunction with the track events that took place at Furman University yesterday.

The great thing about this event is that these local children are on the school lunch program as they cannot afford to buy their own lunches. It has been amazing for me personally, as well as for everyone involved in this whole event, to help our local children and to give them an opportunity to fall in love with running. I simply had to share this fantastic story of local people helping others within the community. That, folks, is that it is all about. Look for big things next year with this event!

Special thanks to: Communities and Schools, Monaview Elementary, Principal, Janice Sargant with Monaview Elementary, Fleet Feet Greenville, Chris and Andrea Borch, Furman University, and ASICS.

Developing a self-care plan is as easy as 1-2-3...

2008-04-13T08:36:00.004-04:00

I often hear from people I meet just how difficult it is to become more active, eat a little better, and in general, take better care of one's self. It really isn't. It is rather simple and, bear with me, much more inexpensive than many would like for you to believe.

A good friend of mine, a mentor in my wellness journey, used to use the term "self-care plan" often. I love the term and use it often, perhaps to a fault. A self-care plan can be many things to many people. To me, it is a balance of good nutrition, physical activity, rest, motivation, and forward planning.

I know, I know... Again, bear with me...

Taking better care of oneself is as big a win-win situation as there is. Eating well generally means eating cleaner with more fruits and vegetables. That is not to imply the notion of deprivation of all of those naughty things we may have eaten in the past. Hardly. Because the moment you get it into your mind that there are foods you cannot eat, this self-care plan - an attempt to do something positive for yourself, turns out to be a diet... and what are the first three letters in the word "diet"? D-I-E. That is what happens to most diets that include deprivation of anything... they usually die a painful death, and the person trying to make it work is left wondering what went wrong and may consider never trying again. On the flip side, a reasonable diet - "diet" meaning stable of foods we eat - including more fruits and vegetables, good amounts of fiber and enough protein and fats, all in proper portions, will allow for opportunities to consume something that may ordinarily be outside the realm of the "better" choices.

There are many free online tools that can be used to track and calculate your calories, vitamins, and nutrients consumed, in an effort to make life easier for you. I have used both Spark People and Fit Day. and both are very user friendly and intuitive.

Physical activity and rest really go hand-in-hand. Being physically active does not mean you have to go out and run a marathon, although if that is your bag, excellent. If you are just getting started with your self-care plan, any kind of physical activity is fantastic. Walking is one of the best activities out there. It is good for your joints, your bones, and most importantly your heart and mind.

Running, contrary to popular belief, is not bad for you. On the contrary, it is infectious. Some of my best thinking happens when I am out on the roads, running. It is my meditation time, my time for reflection.

Some will have you believe that walking and/or running are expensive ways to get into and stay in shape. I am here to dispel that. I challenge anyone to find me an annual gym membership that will cost as little as that of one or two pairs of properly fitted shoes. Notice, I said "properly fitted". That does not mean you can run out to your local box store and pick up any old shoes, throw them on your feet, and expect to keep your body moving and pain free. I urge you to find a store that looks at your feet, with your shoes and socks off, and look at your feet and find a shoe that is right for you. This is not at an extra cost. Stores like Fleet Feet for example simply do it as a part of their fitting process. They are not satisfied until you have the best shoe for you on your feet. And you shouldn't either. It is the best investment you can make. A good pair of walking or running shoes can last you anywhere from six to 12 months, depending on your level of activity. Not a bad investment of time and money.

Rest is equally important. It is your body's way of rebuilding itself from your activities. It is a important as any physical activity you will perform. Not much more can be said about that, but I cannot stress its importance enough.

Motivation and forward planning also go hand-in-hand. This journey of ours, this self-care plan, is a never ending process. There is no finish line, folks. With that in mind, goals are crucial to keep up your motivation. I am not saying that setting a firm weight-by-date goal is the only way to go. Find something that is important to you. Aiming for a charity walk in which you want to participate? Planning for a run, perhaps your first? Print out walk or race fliers and hang them anywhere your eyes go... it will be a constant reminder and instant motivation for you to keep your eye on the prize.

This self-care plan thing is not rocket science, by any means. It many things to many people. But there are some things it is not. It, much like us as human beings, is not nor does it have to be perfect. For many years, I beat myself up for making bad food choices or not being more active, and the like. It took me several years to figure out that if I could just make better choices seven, eight, or even nine times out of 10, I would be ahead of the game in the long run... and that is precisely what this self-care plan idea is all about. The big picture. The rest of your life. If you do not have a self-care plan in place yet, get one. They are fun, free, and may just be the key to unlocking a brand new life of wellness for you, your friends, and family.

Be well.

Fleet Feet Greenville visits Canal Insurance, presents Walk to Your Health!!!

2008-04-11T09:27:00.005-04:00

I had a wonderful time yesterday with Sheila McCullough from Fleet Feet Sports in Greenville as we addressed a crowd of over 40 employees from Canal Insurance Company. We talked about everything from getting fitted for the right shoes for the needs of your feet and fitness goals to motivational techniques to help get everyone a little bit more active and feeling better, inside and out. Let's face it - being active is really not that hard. Our bodies, by their very nature, want to be active. However our society has done an exceptional job of deprogramming us. Now is the time to change that. All it takes is one small change, and I promise, it is infectious!

It fills my heart with such joy to be able to speak with others about being more active, eating better and, in general, just taking better care of themselves inside and out. I cannot wait for the next opportunity to do so.

Check back here for photos and perhaps even video clips from events and speaking engagements!

Aufweidersehen bis mein Bruder

2008-04-09T13:08:00.002-04:00

I have not had many opportunities to post on here of late. This one is very necessary. On Saturday morning, March 22, 2008, my uncle, Thomas Peters, lost his battle with metastatic prostate cancer. He was 64 years of age.

Thos who know me are aware of just how difficult the past several months have been for my family and me. When he was diagnosed back in 2006, the prognosis was not so good, as even then it was metasticized. However, in true Uncle Tom fashion, he fought and refused to let it take him quite so fast. He traveled three (3) more times to Germany - which made for 109 times all tolled - including one in September of 2006 with his pain in the rump nephew - me.

To try to sit here and express in words the impact of his life on mine would be doing him so little justice. He was a sage, a wise man who was never afraid to let me know exactly what he thought, whether I wanted to hear it or not. Odds are, I needed to hear whatever he had to say. I respected him immensely because even up until his last days, he did everything exactly the way he wanted. Uncle Tom was stubborn that way.

I loved him and always will. I told him that all the time, including the day before we lost him. His last weeks and days were not pretty, but he fought valiantly. He was the father figure I always wished I had. Sadly, I wish I would have realized that sooner.

I am proud to say I knew Thomas Peters as a man, a friend, an uncle, and a brother. Some many try, but no one will be able to take away the memories I have with him pertaining to nothing in particular - losing money playing pool, losing money playing cards, hearing another one of his jokes, AGAIN - whatever the case may be.

I can only hope he is keeping an eye on me. Heaven knows I need it.

Watch the ice, Bro.

Update from the 2008 Greenville National MS Society Walk

2008-04-09T12:39:00.010-04:00

What an amazing day it was this past Sunday. The weather was perfect, the people were enthused, and the cause was there. The picture to the left kind of says it all. I am in the back row, all the way to the left with my wife just in front of me and to my right.

Multiple Sclerosis is a disease that has struck as close to home for me as possible. For those who do not know, my mother was diagnosed with this disease about nine (9) years ago.

Since my wife and I moved to South Carolina, we have been blessed to meet two wonderful friends from New York, one of whom was also diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Events like the walk this past week really give me a pause for thought as to what things are important in life. Family, friends, and all that goes with them.

Going forward, this Blog will be used as a proactive tool to help promote health and fitness as well as a sounding board for the latest developments with the MS team my friends and I are working on assembling.

Feel free to post your comments. Be well.

Yet another thought...

2008-01-29T13:34:00.001-05:00

It is something of a foreign concept to many, myself included. I have read that the human body, by its very nature, seeks to do as little as possible – rather seeking to work as little as possible – in an effort to maintain its existence. All one need to do is look around and see that is the lifestyle being readily chosen by many of our brothers and sisters. Maybe it is my self-deprecating nature, but I tend to believe the opposite to be true. Rather our bodies, in and of their very selves, want to be healthy, efficient beings. However my poor decisions and destructive lifestyle has prevented me from allowing my body to be that which it is innately intended to be.

There is no secret that I have been entirely incredulous when it comes to my own well-being. I am not sure if it is nature or nurture or a little of both or something in between. My painfully debilitating habits of eating and drinking to excess of been my collective Achilles heel for as long as I can remember. There is safety in them both, sadly. They are comforting and, generally, do not put up much of a fight when asked to do the job. They medicate, in a feeble effort to mask the pain I wish never existed in the first place. It was almost as if somehow my life of excess enabled me to forget all that I was and amplified all I had wanted to become.

Hardly.

The excesses of my prior life have only gone to “pile on”, as it were. Instead of comforting and soothing all that is painful in my life, it has only gone to put my body in an even worse predicament. How my body tolerated my drinking and eating, I have no idea. There were some times, God as my witness, I felt as if my body was about to rebel in the most Biblical of ways.

This was not so much of a difficult realization to have. Not at all. It, to me, is all about common sense. I cannot envision a life without running. It really has become a part of the fiber of my very being for the past two years-plus. There have been times, however, that my addictions to food and drink have secretly – or not – attempted to railroad my efforts at a healthier lifestyle. Once I had realized that my body wanted nothing exemplary or revolutionary, it suddenly became easy. My body wants nothing more than to do what it does, efficiently. I cannot expect to run while drinking like a fish and eating as if I will never see food again.

Again, not revolutionary things, but the drugs of my life of excess have some form of blinding powers as well, apparently.

There may be other, more astounding revelations to be had, somewhere along the line. I hope so. Ideas like this, and I feel I am insulting the notion by calling it an “idea”, is nothing short of life-changing. I am not through with re-examining my relationship with food and drink. Not by a long shot. But that first realization is that initial step. I have been waiting for that first step for a long time.

Where have I been?

2008-01-27T14:37:00.000-05:00

It truly amazes me how reading someone else's words really is the key to unlocking so many doors for me. This morning was no different. I have been running - in some way, shape, or form - for the better part of two years and change. However, it was not until I read yet another one of John Bingham's classic chapters that I realized I was a runner. Right, exactly. I had been running all this time, only just now to figure I was a runner.

I had brief moments of noticing this before, sure. Long runs, outside, last spring or summer, unveiled some of the most beautiful spring and summer weekend mornings with sunrises that I could not have painted any better had I been a painter worth his salt. There were moments that, with the help of some timely music, I was moved to a step just shy of tears. Strange for me, I know. But still...

Why has it taken me so long to make such an admission? Well, much like Bingham, I am not fast. I am not sure I am ready to label myself a Penguin, by any stretch, but I guess I am, in reality. My prior two efforts at a 5K showed me, in no uncertain terms, that I should accept my lot in life as a waddler. I will get there... one day.

That said, appreciating the fact that, for the past two years-plus, I have been able to move my body using nothing more than my two feet is nothing short of astonishing. I remember how rotund I used to consider myself. I still do, actually. But that is another issue for another time. The fact that I carry so much control over how fast or how far I run, at any particular point in time is an amazing thing for me.

Yesterday was a great example of this. I ran for about 80 minutes, just a shade over 7 miles. I cared nothing for pace. I simply wanted to run for a long time. I felt I could have run forever. Sure, at the 70 minute mark I ramped up the treadmill a touch to pick up the pace and my heart rate, but if I had kept the pace where it was, I have no doubt I could have run a few more miles. A half marathon? Perhaps. Well, maybe. I am not sure. But yesterday morning, I felt like I could have run to infinity. Or, in all actuality, run from all that has weighed down m heart and soul.

That is another interesting aspect of my running. Some choose to run towards something - a personal record, a medal, a t-shirt, whatever. I believe I am running away from a deep, dark history of pain and suffering. Short runs are nice and sometimes fun. But the real transcendental moments for me are when I run for distance and time. I attribute it to all of the stored body fat on my frame. Hey, I am built for running long distances... just look at all of the stored energy I have on my body, ready for use!

But I digress. Point being, on a relatively unassuming Sunday, I found that which running had given me. And it only took me over two years to realize it. Sad and exhilarating all at the same time. My life is on a better to being better. It may not be roses and fuzzy bunnies the whole time. But I will be a better person, someday.

Like someone once told me... This is who I am today. I could be better. I could be worse. But I will always work to improve from the day before.

More random thoughts...

2008-01-26T10:04:00.001-05:00

What a tangled web I tend to weave, especially in my own mind. But there are milliseconds of clarity, even with all that is happening in my life. Small realizations such as that which I had this morning are more valuable to me than to anyone else, obviously, but it is so hard to place an actual value on them.

Today will be just about one week of total sobriety for me. I am not sure if that is a good thing or not. Maybe, maybe not. I am many things... a creature of habit, type A, obsessive compulsive... the whole lot. Sadly, during this time while I have given up the drink, and I know it has only been a week, I have been wanting to eat like a horse. I have avoided those inclinations, by and large, but they still exist. It was not until this morning that I realized just how and why this is happening.

Food has always been an addiction for me. For as long as I can remember, it was the drug that eased my pain and sheltered and comforted me from the horror of reality. Granted, I was the only one who prevented me from doing anything about it - Lord knows, I am the only one who has the key to that car. But as time wore on, and in my futile attempts to right the wrongs of my life, I continued to exchange one one drug for another. Food, alcohol, back to food, sometimes exercise, whatever.

Just how dependent am I on these drugs? Obviously, very. Am I an alcoholic like my father was? I don't know, maybe. He probably drank a bit more consistently than I ever did. One thing I have never been is consistent. Insert rim hot here.

The other revelation from this morning was not really so much of a revelation as it was a recollection. I truly believe my dad talks to me from time to time. No, they are not the orchestrated conversations with those long gone, as we see in movies or on television. He occasionally just shows up, unannounced - that is just like him - and sticks his two cents in - that too is just like him. The recurring theme of what he tells me is, essentially, to be better than he was. Honestly, I am not completely sure what that means. I never really knew him well enough to be able to say what that entailed. But his reputation precedes him - sorry dad, I am trying to stick up for you.

I really wonder if it is him talking to me, although my heart tells m it is. I guess it is possible that I am using his memory to convey something that I want for myself, and this is another way to get that message from my subconscious to my conscious mind. I cannot be sure. I like the former thought better than the latter. I would like to think he is looking down on me, and wants good things for me. It is reasonable, I think, to believe that he knew life was going to be hard for me without him. I don't know, maybe he did not care. But I did. I do.

It is thoughts like these that really make my mind even more busy than it already is. It is difficult if not impossible to compartmentalize right now. I guess it always has been thanks to that little coping mechanism called repression.

But, enough with the doom and gloom. I am working on myself. Granted, I am a work in progress. I probably always will be. But it is little things like this that put a smile on my inner face. I know I have a long road to hoe to get myself back in order, whatever that means. I am ready, willing and, I pray, able to get on my way.

Although I know he will never read this, I have to say it... I want to thank John Bingham for writing... at all. Everything I have read from him thus far has spoken to me in ways that go so far beyond the act of running itself. It really tore right into my very being with regard to my emotions of the past, present, and future. I would like to think I am a better person for having read a single line of his work. I am not the only one he has helped with his writings, this I know, but I am the only one I know who has benefited quite as much as I have.

Keep waddling I will, John. I will.

How did I get here?

2007-12-07T11:28:00.000-05:00

It is interesting, to say the least, to even try to begin to reflect on some of the inflection I have been able to do during runs. This was never more true than this morning - a balmy 35 degrees in downtown Greenville. No worries. A pair of long sleeve shirts, shorts, and my running shoes were all I needed today. Skip on the mp3 player today, though.

This journey - it still amazes me. I learn so much about myself almost daily. Today I learned perhaps my most valuable lesson, yet it is something I have known for a long time. These things I know to be true: I need to take care of myself as no one can better operate my self-care plan than me; I need to take care of my body, inside and out; and I need to ensure that this body in motion continues to stay in motion.

The final lesson learned during the brisk run this morning? There is no finish line.

This is still a process, after all...

2007-10-14T20:03:00.000-04:00

Quite this journey this is... It is safe to say, I learn something new about myself every day that goes by. I have done well over the past few months tracking everything I have consumed in an effort to not only remain accountable, but also to make sure I am fueling myself well for my runs. Well as time went on, suddenly tracking my food was passe'... In the grand scheme, I have not been doing poorly. But I have not been doing as well as I should be in my Self Care Plan.

The lesson to be learned here? There is no "-ed" in my vocabulary when it comes to the words "reform" and "rehabilitate". I am an obese person. My efforts over the past couple of years may not really reflect it, but that is who I am. While I have worked very hard to lose, at this time, about 120 pounds, I know just how quickly it can all slip away. Granted, not at one sitting, nor during one weekend.

I am a creature of habit, whether the habits are good or otherwise. When I am making good decisions in my life, I can catch all kinds of momentum on this joyous ride of mine. When mistakes are made, I know it, and as so many of us tend to do, defeat myself over and over again for these mistakes.

The key to maintaining one's Self-Care Plan is NOT to win every single battle with which we are faced. There are so many challenges that lie ahead, whether they are eating questions during social situations or lying in bed trying to decide whether get up a little earlier to get in that much needed exercise. These battles are everywhere and will never cease.

No, the key to success is not being perfect or even trying to be perfect. Rather my goal is to win more battles than I lose. Life is life. It is not clear-cut, nor does it always go the way I would like. If it did, I would be able to control what I eat, drink, and do at all times. Generally, I do my best to accomplish that very thing. Other times, it is easier said than done.

Why the diatribe, I have no idea... Jut clearing out the proverbial desk drawer in my mind, I guess. It's funny, even when you think you have the drawer completely cleaned out, there are always little crevices remaining that are often difficult to reach and get into.

Back to reality... After a week or two of some lower leg issues, I am feeling healthy and strong. I may, depending on how things go, give another shot to a fourth running day this week. Staying off the dreadmill is crucial for me. I would sooner have my finger nails plucked off one at a time than be caught dead on the ol' hamster wheel as much as I was on there for a while.

I am going to be working hard on this blog to get it up to date with things that are important to me, so stay tuned...

Be well.

Enjoy the Ride

2007-08-17T11:58:00.000-04:00

All throughout this process - this journey of ours - we have to learn to take the time to enjoy the little things. No matter how stressful this journey may be, it is critical to our success to "smell the roses". So often it is difficult to imagine enjoying the process of losing weight. It used to amaze me to no end when I would attend meetings to see and hear the frustrations of those who were not satisfied with their results for the week. Some will lose weight weekly while others will gain and yet others will neither lose nor gain.

To hear someone say "I cannot believe I only lost [insert number of your choosing here] pounds!" Frustrating is really not the most accurate word, rather it was more irksome. After time however, it was clear to me that those individuals were not enjoying themselves. That realization was huge for me. This journey of ours undoubtedly will lead to changes in our bodies, minds, hearts, souls, and also in our ways of thinking. If we take the time to open our eyes to all of the changes taking place - to the evolution of our whole person - we will develop a greater appreciation for that which is occurring. It will mean so much more to us. It will be tangible and palpable. This new understanding will aide us in the ever challenging emotional aspects of dealing with the evolution of our persons that out respective self-care plans have afforded us.

These are not unfortunate changes, as some on the outside may feel. Sure, our personalities may change. Our usual behaviors and character traits may adjust slightly - or more than slightly. But our self-care plans are quick to show us that we have really been ignoring life. I know I did.

Life essentially just dragged me along for the ride. For 32-plus years, I was a comatose, submissive passenger on a trip to nowhere in particular. I felt as if I had no control over my life. It was true. I didn't. Enjoying life, for me, was too a process. Misery is no longer something which follows me around like a whiff of cologne. I want to be more active. I want to fuel my body the right way. I want to do all of the things I previously thought were ridiculous or unnecessary. Yes, there was a point when I weighed 335 pounds when I actually felt as if I did not need to lose weight. Why? It was the easy way out.

After I started my journey of one thousand steps, it took me a long time to realize that I had better enjoy the ride. Otherwise I was destined to be rejoined by those miserable feelings of my past. I am not perfect. I am a work in progress. I am not handsome and turn shy when folks say as much. I still have a bunch to work on, and I am still 30-some pounds away from where I want to be. But I will get there. I respect my body and my life too much not to. And throughout the entire rest of this journey - one that will undoubtedly last the rest of my life when considering the maintenance of my work - I will enjoy every step along the way. I will enjoy the ride.

Perfection

2007-08-16T08:45:00.000-04:00

"Perfect", much like "love", is a term that is tossed about in society with the most painful of ease. For anyone who has spent the better part of his or her natural life as obese, "perfect" can mean many things. Look in the print media and on television, listen to radio advertisements, and perfection is seemingly everywhere. Cosmetic surgeries are shown and promoted in ways that are, for want of a better word, are unhealthy.

When I think of this self-care plan I have adopted, being perfect is such a strange thing to consider. As a life-long obese individual, I have been bombarded with ideologies as to the alleged right and wrong ways to be healthier and lose weight. The "perfect" ways. I see a person on television, working out for three hours a day and eating 1,200 calories every day and dropping 10 pounds per week and I cannot help but say - "Hey, why can't that be me?" Is any of that reasonable to a rational person? No, probably not. This whole mind set just really permeates my brain and soul. What's worse, it does not help with my all-or-nothing character flaw.

We as reforming obese people tend to set goals for ourselves that are out of reach. Why? Speaking from personal experience, it allows me to have something on which I can fall back. Not achieving my goals, however unfortunate, is something to which I have become rather accustomed.

I used to feel I had to be perfect in every way of my self-care plan, otherwise I was a complete failure. I had to eat only the right things, at all times. I had to exercise every day I was supposed to, whether I felt it or not. If I did not, I was "off the program" or "a failure". It took me a long time to figure this out, but that is just not true.

Many philosophers have said you can lose the battles but still win the war. I think this is true, but with a minor change. I do not have to win every battle in the process of my self-care plan. If I can win most of the battles - if I run when I know I should and rest when I know I should - if I eat the way my body will appreciate and make me healthier - if I can keep a positive mental attitude throughout this journey - if I can enjoy the journey and not ignore the joy and special feelings that come along with internal and external change - if I can do these things, more often than not, I will win this war.

This too is not an easy journey. This self-care plan of mine is a work in progress. Every day that goes by I learn a little bit more not only about my journey but about myself, what I have achieved and what it means to me, and how I need to go forward.

It is hard for me to say that I am proud of what I have accomplished, despite having lost 100 pounds to date. Despite winning more battles than I have lost, my personal war is far from over. Will it ever end? Probably not. Even when I reach my ultimate goal, that is when the true challenge begins.

I will continue to work hard. I will continue to be mindful of my body, what it needs, and what it doesn't. I will continue to fear slipping back into the darkness of my past. I will continue to tweak my self-care plan, as everyone should, to make it the best possible self-care plan for me.

What works for one may not work for others. While certain reality shows seem to swear up and down that their "healthier" way of life is the only way to go, I am not so quick to completely abolish it from my mind's eye. There is always something that can be taken from these bastardizations of society. Hard work, effort, and the emphasis on the emotional and physical changes that come along with this journey are things that are far too often forgotten about in this world of "wait, I only lost one pound!"

This too shall pass.